Don't Give A Wedding Gift

By Thomas J. Kelly

I am against giving gifts at weddings.

I am not necessarily against giving gifts but I am against the social norm that requires a guest to pay for your plate at a wedding. For the most part, I don't give gifts at weddings. If I have to pay for my plate at a wedding, I'm not a guest . . . I'm a customer.

If you're looking for guests, invite me. If you're looking for customers why not sell tickets on Ticket Master.

Weddings have turned into a business replete with emotional extortion.

It's worse than emotional extortion, it's emotional terrorism. Instead of flying planes into buildings couples are taking money out of our pockets. A bride is simply Osama Bin Laden in a white frilly dress.

Wedding gifts are worse than birthday gifts or other thoughtful gestures given freely. Brides and grooms fill out registries. The couple isn't only asking you to pay for your plate but they are suggesting you give them specific gifts and they are telling you where to buy them!

I was riding the train with a recent bride who we will call "Christa" when I was editing this article. "Christa" was mad many of her guests didn't give gifts to cover their plates at their wedding. If you want people's gifts to cover their plate, then you should go to a cheaper catering hall.

I'm there for the celebration, not the dinner. I don't go to fancy restaurants on my own. Why do I want to go out for a fancy meal for your wedding? I'm there to honor you. If your wedding was just church and a buffet meal at the local Sizzler, I'd still go. Your wedding guests are going to your wedding to honor your relationship, not for a free meal.

I hate the concept of paying for a plate. I'm YOUR guest. If you can't afford to buy me a plate of food, maybe you should choose a cheaper restaurant.

I'm throwing a surprise party for my Dad where the price is $30 dollars a plate plus liquor. I'm not getting any gifts. Should people be paying me for each plate? Does my cousin with 5 kids and a husband owe me a $210 dollar gift? No! She is my guest. Her presence is a present enough.

If she gives a thoughtful card or gift, it is her own choosing and it's a sweet gesture. I'm just honored she's taking time out of her day to be a part of the celebration.

I'm not saying you shouldn't give a gift a wedding. It shouldn't be a requirement. A gift is something that is given freely. If you have to give a gift, it isn't an act of giving it fulfilling a social obligation.

I have enough social obligations in my life. My gift to the bride and groom is sharing in their special day. I will drive to the event (The US Government says driving your car costs .37 cents a mile). I will wear a suit (That's $15 dollars in dry cleaning). I might even pay for the other expenses I might incur such as tolls and a hotel at the destination.

If you invite me to your wedding, don't expect a wedding gift. My presence is enough. In return, you can stiff me at my wedding. Though let's face it, if I stiffed you at your wedding, I'm probably not inviting you to mine.
[Mail to a friend]

Comments made

This is so wrong in so many ways! This whole site is vulgar!
04/13 23:24:25
This wedsite comes from very bitter-ex wives ex husband-never a bride always a bridesmaid etc.
04/14 22:23:48
who the hell cares what you think about a wedding or not? Martin Luther King gave us the right to express our feelings, and he gave us the right to basicly do whatever the fuck we want to..but what you did on this site....thats REALLY stretching it!

you should be ashamed of yourself!
04/15 19:44:35
I think you are right, Weddings are over -rated and people expect too much at wedding...if you can't afford to have people at your wedding go to vegas and get married there
04/17 15:58:17
I agree with the author. I think weddings are getting way out of hand. When I as a future bride throw a wedding, I am not calculating the cost and making sure I cover it on my registry. Besides, most of the time it is the parents footing the bill, yet the happy couple take home the presents! For a young couple starting out, most of their peers will also be just starting out and cannot afford extravagant gifts plus hotel rooms plus new dresses, etc. As we get older and can afford it, I anticipate being more generous. The worth of the gift will never be based on the trappings of the celebration.
04/18 09:59:12
right on!
It may not be polite, but it's true, people are being greedy little prats!
05/04 02:03:49
My own brother (from pressure from his wife-to-be) told me I could no longer be a bridesmaid in his wedding because the dress I ordered came in the "wrong color." I agree 100% with the author; weddings have got way out of control.... the average wedding costs in excess of 5,000. Honestly, I hate these types of "fantasy-"what-she-always-wanted" weddings. They put stress, financial burden and unhappiness onto many people. Im getting married next year and it will be a justice of the peace and a nice BBQ. Call it "hick" if you want, but the whole family is looking forward to my uncles cooking. Thank you for this website and thank you for telling the truth.
05/04 12:01:24
Weddings are over-rated and OTT. The bride who I am bridesmaid for is a complete and utter 'Bridezilla' - she has been ramming weddings down everyone's throat since she got engaged. She has put her retired mum and dad in debt over it all and she has payed nothing at all in return. She has always been jealous that people have got married and now its her turn, shes making people wait hand-and-foot for her as its her 'special day'. She has also made people pay a shed-load for her bridal shower and has asked for gift vouchers AND an expensive gift from the registry. This site really puts things in prospective, so I thank-you.
05/07 07:12:23
"Martin Luther King gave us the right to express our feelings, and he gave us the right to basicly do whatever the fuck we want to..but what you did on this site....thats REALLY stretching it!

you should be ashamed of yourself! "

And who gave us electricity then, Montel Williams? You're an idiot!
05/21 22:44:50
This website is great. I am so sick of seeing people use their wedding as an excuse to be greedy. I hate getting invitations to events from people I barely know who just want a gift. I hate people who plan "wedding weeks" because apparently a day is not enough.
06/06 14:12:31
You're a bride, great, congrats, you get a day, A SINGLE DAY. Not a whole year of selfishness that makes your whole family broke and fighting each other. Brides need to remember there are other people to think of, you cant forget that you are a daughter, a friend, a mom, a professional... for the entire time you plan your wedding. I'm sick of them acting like they are entitled to a year plus of acting only for themselves.
06/06 16:34:55
This article cracked me up! I whole-heartedly agree that weddings have become a business rather than a celebration. Week of wedding events!? AGH! Is it not a gift enough that a lot of guests pay to fly a long way to get there, for you, pay for the hotel, food, transportation, etc while on your week of wedding crap? I say my presence is a gift if immeasurable value and be thankful people just show up to participate in your celebration. Gifts...whatever, big deal. I say buy your own kitchen gadgets and china so you'll get what you want. Bride does not mean you get to be selfish and mean and demanding, just be thankful for your new husband, life, and friends who bothered to show up!
06/08 01:38:41
I will drink to THAT! I'm a bridesmaid right now and the amount of money I've had to put into someone ELSEs life of wedded bliss is staggering, and on top of that they want engraved effing crysal chalices as a gift. I needed support for saying 'no' and this article has become my battlecry. (great site btw!!)
06/10 11:16:20
So true, thanks to all my friends that have gotten married this year, I am now left with thousands of dollars of debt for all of the bridal gifts, shower gift, place to be, etc. for the "happy" couple. I wonder how many of theses people will still be together and "happy" in ten years!!
06/26 18:59:26
It is certainly unfortunate that it has become "Expected" that you bring a gift to a wedding. But it is still just a nice gesture. You don't HAVE to do anything, but it is customary. Culturally. It is not 1 single bride's fault. But I do agree, to an extent. I think it is super tacky to comment on people that have NOT given a gift. You should accept them graciously, and send a thank you card. But to call out those who weren't generous?! reficulous.
PS- You do have to give a card, though.
07/12 17:28:18
I am 50/50 on it.

I agree that the base idea, that somehow your gift should cover the cost of your presence there is a little greedy, but at the same time, you do not go to your uncles birthday party without a gift, or without an offer to the one who is hosting it to help cover your part of it.

The main problem to all of this is that the industry, in general, has been feeding this thing in bite-size nauseating chunks to little girls from the time they are old enough to figure out how to enter the parental lock code on the TV to the time they are old enough to give Bea Arthur a run for her money in the fasion world.

As a hubbie-to-be, I am sickened by the costs for things such as simple flower arrangements and other things that do not matter a rats patootie to 3/4 of the people sitting at the table (most of them being guys...). I do not care about table favors, tablecloth colors, seat covers, electric disco lights or any of these things.

But that is what is considered "perfect" to brides to be these days. And so, what used to cost $20 a persin back in the horse-and-carrage days (OK, I am exaggerating, so sue me) is now $100 a person in the metro area IF you go to a decent place on a Sunday in November.

I think if you are invited to a wedding, you should bring a gift, but don't worry about the cost. You have to be fair though, do not get them the George Foreman Panini maker or the Popiel (sp) Rotating Chicken Roaster or even a matching set of his and her oven mits, toilet paper roll covers or subscriptions to Readers Digest.

Although it is hokey, it IS the thought that counts. If they know and care for you enough to get your favorite bottle of scotch, or the movie you said you LOVED in college, it would mean more than the set of Wustoff Knives you registered for at Fortunoff.
07/13 09:01:27
Double Checking.....

My previous comment seems to have fallen off the LCD and ended up stuck behind the squiggledy "hey don't come here if you are colorblind" spam filter test.

I will have to see if theer is any rule regarding post length here...
07/13 09:04:09
People really do expect too much. These people aren't going to fund my retirement. There are engagement parties, tool & gadget parties, lingere showers, batchelorette parties, the actual wedding... I feel like I'm sinking between the two weddings of my closest friends who are suddenly ungrateful and demanding. I am never going to help with another wedding; I've drawn a line in the sand. When people ask you to help out with their parties and such, they don't want your help, they just want your cash. I don't like the person this excess has turned me into and I refuse to ever be a part of it again.
07/13 11:20:44
First of are not "covering your plate"...if you were you'd be paying a heck of a lot more. Second, today parents are not footing the bill most of the time. The bride and groom and paying most of it now...but that's the price so you can enjoy some free food, and music, while you get trashed drinking the booze they had to pay extra for and puke all over the dance floor of the hall. You are giving gifts because you want to give the couple something to help them start their lives. I wonder if you'll feel the same way if you ever get married...
07/13 19:26:31
" You are giving gifts because you want to give the couple something to help them start their lives. I wonder if you'll feel the same way if you ever get married... "


I wonder if you've ever thought of what single, independent people think of this? Don't they need things to start their lives too? Don't they need money?

The big difference is that we singles don't throw extravagant, glorified, over-hyped fund raisers to cover the costs of "starting our lives." We go out and earn it the old fashioned way.

How about this: I'll keep my $100, you keep your "free" food, music, and drinks. There are more fun ways to spend a Friday or Saturday than watching two "soulmates" marry only to see them divorce two years later.
07/25 18:58:59
Oh Dave - you are so right. I think the next time I rent a new apartment, I'll tell all my friends where I've "registered". Maybe I will get the George Foreman Panini Maker Anony Mouse mentions. A single girl can dream - right?

And I'm not sure waht kind of weddings "dislikerudeppl" goes to - "puke all of the dance floor". Sounds like the issue of covering the plate is the least of this cookies problem. Yikes!
07/26 02:24:10
YOU ARE SO RIGHT ON! I am sick of being invited to weddings, showers, even kids birthdays that I barly know, only to end up spending more than I would to go out and have a good time with people of my choosing!
08/14 19:54:16
"YOU ARE SO RIGHT ON! I am sick of being invited to weddings"


Wait until you begin to be invited to *multiple* weddings for the same person. I know of people who are getting married for the 2nd or 3rd time and they're still having big weddings, still inviting everyone, and still expecting big gifts.

I was invited to my great uncle's third wedding. This is a guy who makes $250K+ per year, has a city house and a beach house, and is obviously doing very well for himself. I'm happy for him. He's friendly. He's a nice guy. But now he was getting married for the third time and again he was having an elaborate wedding. I drew a line in the sand. I said no. For one I already knew what was going to happen. During the toast the following phrases would be uttered... "soulmates... meant to be together... will be together forever... true love..." Blah. Blah. Blah. (I suppose those phrases didn't count at the last two weddings I attended for this guy.) Secondly, I don't think that a young guy like myself who is single and financially trying to make it on his own should have to spend money on yet another wedding for this guy who is obviously doing much better than I am.

And for the love of God let me tell you future married-folks this: some of us may want to come to your wedding, some of us may not. But stop acting like you're doing me a big favor by inviting me. It may be your "special day" but for me it's nothing more than a buffet that costs $100.

Rude, ostentatious, gaudy, materialistic, fund-raising, foolish, unreasonable... geez I can't think of any other words to describe these events.
08/17 00:35:27
I HATE weddings. I always have done, but the rise of the 'wedding for profit' phenomena just makes me sick. It's all so self indulgent and greedy. If you invite someone as a guest, why then charge them an admission fee? I have bought gifts in the past, but never from a list (greedy and bad manners), but have refused to do so when told by the bride exactly which gift I have to purchase.
I blame the monster that is the wedding industry.
08/28 18:33:42
I am single, 43, and purchased my first home 5 years ago. I am now building a home in another city. I have had to furnish and equip BOTH houses without the benefit of a fundraising party.

How about spending less on the wedding and setting up house on your own?

Not only that, but these days, couples are older and already HAVE their stuff. I remember when Grandma and Grandpa died. I actually had to ASK for the china and silver because all the other grandkids were married at the time and got such things at their own weddings. I got NOTHING but argument from all of them, especially my sister, who is the oldest grandchild. Ummm... I helped FUND their fancy china pattern and silver choices! And all they could do was put up a stink so they could have MORE crap they only pull out once a year.

I got the china & silver, but only because my mom and aunt found the logic in my having it.
01/30 18:59:34
The absolute best present we received at our wedding:


A f*ckin' rhino! How cool is that??
04/24 15:22:23
The absolute best present we received at our wedding:


A f*ckin' rhino! How cool is that??
04/24 15:22:55
Tom: As a bride-to-be myself, I think your site's hilarious. (Whether you actually believe everything in your articles or not - although I think some of your "tongue-in-cheek" comments go over some people's heads...)

To those who have commented before me: Yes, some brides become bridezillas and get way too wrapped up in the material aspects of the event, and buy into all of the crap that the wedding industry is selling. However, the simple existence of a registry is not in and of itself an indicator that they are greedy and only looking for a gift. Some brides and grooms are not comfortable with the idea of a registry, but you should hear the flack that some get from family members when they don't do one. It really is intended as a way to help those who CHOOSE to give a gift - if they choose not to, that's their right. If they choose to give something else, that's also their right. But there are guests out there (myself included) who appreciate the guidelines that a registry provides.

And yes, I also think it's incredibly rude and ungreatful to complain that someone did not give you a gift, as is the expectation that the gift should equal the amount spent on a plate.
07/10 12:58:53
I got married...for $ Reno, so I know what it's like NOT to be selfish. My sister on the other's a financial nightmare. My part of it is easily $2K, but more like $3K....thank GOD my dad is helping me pay for most of it, because my SISTER's wedding would put me in DEBT otherwise. Weddings, how wonderful.
07/13 13:32:08
You have absolutely no idea what a wedding gift is really for. You obviously have no idea what a wedding guest is, either. If you are invited to someone's wedding, you should feel honored taht the bride and groom thought of you as someone they want there to celebrate their special day. The idea tha tyou think you are doing them a favor is so silly, self centered and egotistical. Sorry, but your presence is not a present. As far a s giving an actual present, it is customary and traditional becuase, just like a birthday, you are showing your happiness in the recipients' happiness, also, your happiness in their new life and new existence together. It is really not a big deal. It is just one form of being nice to someone who thought of you and who wanted to celebrate a big moment in his or her life with you. Only a truly petty and egotistical person would "protest" giving a simple gift on what is one of, if not the biggest, days of these people's lives. If you are not close enough to these people to wan tto make them happy and give them a small token of your happiness and your wish to see them make a nice start of their new life together, you probably shouldn't be at their wedding.
As far as registries are concerned, most wedding guests find registries halpful because it is sometimes difficult, if you are a remotely thoughtful person, to find a gift that neitehr of two people halready has and that they will benefit from. This is especially true in this age when couple's live together before marriage and usually have standard gifts like toasters and blenders that help a couple start a home together.
Grow up, stop worrying about every dollar you spend and whether or not it covers your "plate" at the reception (this is the first time I have ever heard of such a ridiculous rule of thimb) and try to focus on other people and doing a little something to make them happy.
12/23 18:20:43
I was the only person at my gorgeous friend's wedding who was dead against it... I was THAT bridesmaid, and she knew it.

It has now ended. He is a cockup, his mother is worse, his father is whipped.

I cried before it, during it, after it... and I don't cry like a sissy girl for anybody or anything normally.

Fuck - I've got high hopes she's with The One (series 2) and it lasts for a while... nothing is forever, including marriage. Deal with it.
04/07 10:39:29
I loved my wedding and I won't lie, I became completely self-centeres and enjoyed every moment of it. It fulfilled so many childhood fantasies for me, how could it not be that way? Until our culture stops promoting "fairytale/have it all" lives, women will be desperate to fulfill those dreams in this sort of desperate way that misses the mark int erms of what they are actually doing. They are committing their lives to one another.

This does not come from a "frustrated" anybody. No one called me a Bridezillla or was angry at me. I'm still happily married today. But I'd renew my vows in a very different way. I agree that a gift should be a guest "choice". Who needs 80 - 300 gifts anyway? It's just pure greed.
04/25 20:11:48
I think it'd be so very much less stressful for everyone involved - the bride and groom, relatives and all their friends if a charge (i.e cash) could be put on all wedding "guests" per plate. The newlyweds can go buy exactly what they want to outfit their home instead of having to deal with dulicate gifts. That way we, as "guests" won't have the hassle of shopping for something either. It's not as if it isn't already done! I know lots of people who put a cheque in an envelope and put it into a specially decorated box at the reception hall. You have all seen it. That should be the only way to handle it.
05/02 23:35:16
glad u aren't my friend dickwad. cheap fuckskate.
05/20 07:28:36
I hate weddings...unfortunately, my presence is required and the aformentioned venue. I'm a graduate student that barely stays afloat of the poverty line. There is no way in hell I'm bringing a gift! For all of you soon-to-be married, do your friends a favor...have them chip in for a marriage lisence and be done with it already!
06/07 20:37:50
The problem is not that guest should have to give a gift that essentially pays for their plate, the problem is that the entire wedding industry extorts money from helpless couples who just want to have a celebration on their commitment to marriage. If you go to a bakery and want to buy a cake, it costs $50 - but if you tell them it's a wedding cake, all of a sudden it costs $100. Everyone in the wedding industry thinks they can over inflate their prices because of the bridezillas of the world who are willing to pay anything just to have their "perfect" day.
06/19 05:14:51
I agree. It is extortion. And there is no polite way to decline the honor. What I dislike is when you are asked to go to a friend's kids wedding, or some distant person you barely know. You don't want to offend the friend, but surely you have better things to do than spend time seeing off their precious snowflake. Especially, when it isn't the bridge/groom inviting you but the parent. Also, it sucks that brides and grooms don't take in the finanical means of their guests. Not everyone can afford Macy's.
06/26 15:52:40
i personally do give gifts, but this guy has a point. you are there to celebrate their relationship! your presence should be enough. i prefer wedding without food- they are over quicker and you dont have to spend all that time around people youve never met before.
07/07 16:36:59
I bring gifts to weddings but that's because I only attend weddings of very special/close people. Everyone else gets a "Congratulations" card with a thoughtful note included. I just never felt comfortable celebrating something so special and personal with a bride & groom I don't know very well. The general rule of thumb I use (yet nothing is set in stone) says that if the bride & groom are not people you see yourself spending time with on holidays then chances are the feeling is mutual and the couple probably felt obligated to invite you anyways. FYI - I don't spend holidays with people out of obligation either. Gifts should have meaning.
07/11 06:04:37
I've got some criteria that have to be checked off before I'm willing to accept a wedding invite. Do I know BOTH people getting married well? Do I feel like they're getting married becasue they really love each other and have a strong desire for a symbolic ceremony to publicly announce their commitment, in front of the immediate family members and close friends who they know care about their happiness? Am I happy about the fact that they're committing to each other? If so, I'm happy to attend with a smile, a positive attitude and my good wishes. And some sort of gift that I think will be meaningful to them (maybe a book of love poems) and express my appreciation for being invited to what will hopefully be afun gathering. If I had the impression that the couple was just inviting me because they felt obligated to, I would not attend. If I had the impresssion the couple would consider my gift inadequate, I would not attend. So ... if I got a wedding invitation with a stranger's name on it, or a "no boxed gifts" comment ... I'd probably Just Say No. We're all happier.
07/13 23:53:06
I'm hearing all you singles complaining about having to shell out for two people combining their resources, while you are struggling financially on your own. I've been blessed with a decent job and I'm making a point of buying housewarming gifts for single friends and coworkers, even if they move twice in one year!
07/20 04:29:49
Wow, I really love this site! My husband and I have been married for fourteen happy years and our wedding was quite small but it was a lot of fun and an unpretentious affair. I'm glad it was small because I don't think I could have handled the stress of all that unecessary work involved in these "Big Silver Screen Production" sized weddings nowadays. If people choose to have a big wedding, that's their business, but my husband and I always groan whenever we're invited to one of those horribly overrated affairs that only give us headaches in the end.

As far as singles having to endure the pain of being at weddings, you have my sympathy because although I'm married, I recall that feeling all too well. Nevermind what these dingbats have to say otherwise about it; what do they know or care about anyway? All of this pressure on a married couple, their friends and their family is too much and this site sums up how I've felt all along. Thanks so much :)
07/30 19:34:40
I really don't think people should expect their never-married guests, *who typically have already had to shell out a lot of their own money to equip and decorate their own homes*, to buy wedding gifts. If this expectation were done away with, perhaps we would see a drastic decrease in bridezilla-esque gift registries because brides-to-be could no longer say, "I've spent so much money on gifts for other people, and I deserve a lot of expensive gifts now!"
08/02 18:56:08
This is a cultural issue. In most European countries, people give lots of money at weddings, not to cover their plates, but to help the couple get started... the wedding is a way for everyone to pool in and add up to a lot in a time when the couple actually needs the money. Afterwards, the action is reciprocated at each wedding. People who trully care about the couple will give a gift, period. There are no excuses for that. Regardless of how much the wedding costs, everyone (of course) gives within their own budget. I've never heard of no-gift weddings and this goes back to the middle ages, so it has no relation to how commercialized weddings have become today (though I don't disagree that they are more and more so).
08/19 02:29:06
There are NO excuses for not giving wedding gifts? REALLY! Next
month I have to attend THREE family weddings!... one of them is 200 miles away and I have to spend two nights in a hotel to be able to attend! It would break me to attend the far-away wedding AND get wedding gifts for all three on top of that! Let me see... shall I ATTEND their weddings?... or just stay home so as not to be "impolite" when I do NOT give them wedding gifts... What do you think they would prefer?????? "WEDDINGED-OUT IN CALIFORNIA"
08/22 15:41:00
People give wedding gifts so that others will think that they are thoughtful or nice. The reason most gifts are given are for self serving reasons. If you really simply want to give them a gift, give them 2. And, on the more expensive gift, give the credit to someone else. Just lay the gift on the table, and say on the card that it's from someone else. Whoever. Or just don't say who it is from at all. Nobody would do that, because the truth is, people give these gifts to sustain their reputations as respectable friends. Not because they really want the couple to have gift. If they really want to give the gifts to the new couple, why stop at the wedding. Why not just keep giving them gifts for years on? Let's all stop this charade.
08/24 20:30:38
All this website and the ppl who post boils down to bitterness. They're lonely and jealous of couples who are in love...even if they are married for only 2 years. Jealous that someone loves someone sooooo much that they wanna to be 2gether forever. Nothing is for sure. Ppl fall in and out of love. But to not take the chance on love and happiness even if it is only a temporary spot in time is being Stupid. All u single ppl posting on here deep down inside long to find someone, get married and be happy. U are all sad bitter ppl. Dont try to act like u hate weddings. If someone loved u enough to marry u're sorry ass, then u too would have the shower and the traditional wededing with gifts and cards.
If u say u dont
08/25 22:23:30
This article shows how selfish and cheap you are. Nobody will want to be your friend, bitch!
09/25 06:06:36
Hey douchebag, if you wouldn't take yourself to a fancy restaurant, don't expect the bride and groom to pay the money for your plate. If your too cheap a bastard to pay, don't go! Do you think you are really gracing anyone with your presence?
09/30 05:20:13
I love this site and totally agree.
12/04 05:45:42
I completely agree with the opinions on the site that weddings are ridiculous money makers. And for you posters who think all people who hate weddings are bitter singles - I've been with my boyfriend for 10 years.
12/08 16:42:54
Funny as hell. Had to look on here cause 3 people didn't even bother dropping a card in a box. C'mon you can't even drop a card in a box, CHEAP! I really don't give a shit, I was just sort of amazed by people. I would never go to a wedding and not bring anything. Who the heck would I think I am, Jesus? I understand if you are broke, or was expensive to get there but a sincere letter or card is sufficient. People are to cheap to do that, they don't want to be exposed that they are broke or cheap so don't even drop a card. That's tacky!
01/06 07:05:52
May I vent? I am a widow who went into debt for my daughters wedding. Just two years after the wedding my (now ex-son-in-law) hooked up with a woman on the Internet and left my daughter. There was absolutely no thought or care on his part. And why should there be? The money for the wedding did not come out of his pocket. I wanted to sue him but couldn't because an agreement was not in writing. My daughter is now left with hundreds of dollars in wedding pictures that I want to smash. I am very angry! My advise to anyone who is paying for a wedding is, get an agreement in writing that if the marriage should for some reason not last, the leaving party will reimburse 50% of the
wedding cost. The reimbursement will at least ease some of the pain.
01/09 15:48:34
I approve of a registries.. but only if the couple has listed a bunch of gifts with varying price ranges within an accessible store like a department store. I like registries because I don't have to rack my brain and think about what on earth my friends *might* need.. only to find out I'm wrong, and i know that they won't have to return my gift if they get two of the same thing.
I think guests who genuinely want to give gifts should not be offended by a well thought out registry... it is a common modern day thing and people need to get on board or give a heartfelt monetary gift.. or don't bother. Why be fake.
01/22 00:02:34
What a bunch of do gooding fools!! If you dont want to be a part of our society and attend wedding and give the gft that you are supposed to be giving then crawl into a hole and just die!!! COmpkaining about registries and the amount of money you have to give at a wedding?? Get a job and give the appropriete gift like you are supposed to. Infact give above and beyond and stop being a drain on society complaning about giving a gift. People work damn hard to make sure their wedding day is perfect. They save and save to make sure every thing on THEIR day is perfect. It is not your day to complain on how you have to get out of your closed tight wallet. Stay home if you are going to jip them. Stupid!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
01/28 08:57:12
the question you idiot brides need to ask yourselves is would you still be getting married if you couldn't have the big wedding? classy my ass. get over yourselves and realize that nobody cares about your "special day". and as for gifts--i am in full agreement for the article. if you can't afford to have me there, don't invite me. maybe i should invite you over for dinner at my house and ask you to maek out a cheque before you leave?
02/23 21:34:01
"Sorry, but your presence is not a present."

that's just insulting. greedy.
02/23 22:42:15
Heres a compromise: instead of a slow cooker, give donations on the couples behalf to charity or any special-interest non-profit organization. This way, you give money to a good cause (and you write off the taxes), you boycott the wedding industry registries, the couple doesnt get to mooch, and you can get away with it! You can choose the non-profit organization based on your relationship to the couple. If you like the couple then give to their favourite charity, but if they are just trying to mooch from you, give a cheeky gift. If the groom is your college roommate, give a donation to your alma mater. If the bride is much younger than the groom and collects social assistance, then give a donation to your local taxpayers association. You get the drift. If the couple are really your friends, they will appreciate any kind of gift from you. Do this at every wedding so that you develop a reputation as the person that your friends cant mooch from. Hopefully, you will start to see invitations only from the people who actually want you to share their special day; not the people who are inviting you as a cash-grab.
03/14 13:39:38
I totally agree with the greediness of some couples! I was invited to the wedding of a co-worker back in 1982. Her wedding cost around $20,000. She made it a point of saying that guests should cover their plate PLUS a little more for the couple. Not wanting to look cheap, I gave a very generous gift. She of course acted all surprised and pleased when seeing the check. Long story short, her husband leaves her after 1 and 1/2 years of marriage. Not long after her annulment, she gets engaged once more. I was asked to be in the wedding party (full white dress wedding again) and foolishly put $50 down on a bridesmaid dress. They shortly broke up and I lost my $50.
03/19 13:16:41
She asked a coworker to be in her bridal party? Doesn't she have any friends??
04/15 22:30:44
Oh Cagalli! I could kiss you!!!!!!!!

My brother in law and his fiance have made our lives a living hell all through their engagement. She has been beyond rude to everyone in the family, and I her future sister in law was not invited to the shower, as would seem appropriate, but I was invited to the bachelorette party last minute ("oops - I was SURE I sent you an invite") only because they realized that my husband going to the bachelor party would mean I was in town as well and they couldn't really hide the fact that she was having a bachelorette party the same night. I stayed home for that very reason.

Long story short, I was dreading giving them a wedding gift. They have boatloads of money, this is his 2nd marriage, and most of the stuff on their registry is stuff they already have. Right down to a very specific throw pillow. Your idea is GENIUS. They met through Habitat for Humanity, so I can SO get away with giving their gift to the HFH. Ahhhh . . . gotta love the George Constanza plays.

What a relief! Piss them off and they can't say anything about it . . .
04/17 06:36:03
Even as a bride to be I totally agree with this article, weddings in our area cost between $30,000 - $50,000 ON AVERAGE, were doing a simple wedding to pay it off ahead of time and everyone is invited as a guest and not a customer, I could care less if we received gifts. It's about the people you love an want to have around you on that day, not dollar amounts and lots of gifts.
05/20 23:31:48
I may be the odd one out here because I'm going to go really far with this. But what the hell are the point of wedding parties anyway? I mean animals pair up and mate all the time and they don't make a big to-do about it. Why do humans celebrate something so primal as if they are Gods to be worshipped? Especially since almost everyone pairs up and marries eventually...couples really aren't that rare or special (contrary to what many of them may think on that day). It's just a part of human nature. Get over it. The things that I would rather celebrate in life have more to do with human achievement and greatness--a graduation, the receiving of a prestigious award, a new job, the opening of a new business, etc.
06/04 07:29:03
I used to view weddings as a hassle. And then I fell happily in love. All of the sudden, like many other things in my life, they became fun. I got married on Saturday. I am not a bridezilla; my mother harassed me until I registered and I didn't want a wedding shower, but that's what our mothers wanted and so I kept my objections minimal when they decided to throw me one.

I had a great time at our wedding. We were pretty and surrounded by the people who love us most. Some couldn't afford gifts and that's the way it goes. Some gave us ridiculously generous gifts that I feel bad accepting. But my favorite present is a beautiful piece of artwork from my maid of honor.

But the wedding was not about the gifts. It was about celebrating our love and the commitment we were making to each other. I'm not the type of girl that has dreamt about weddings my whole life and I think that worked to my advantage. Because I let the professionals do what they do best.

Finally, just keep in mind that planning weddings are stressful. They bring out the worst in people. Everyone is going through a million emotions and yet they rarely take the time to deal with them because they aren't afforded that time. I don't think that this means people have to give gifts because that will make it better. But I do think it means give your pain-in-the-ass friend a little more leeway. At the same time, if your friend sucks during wedding planning, they probably suck all the time.
06/08 08:19:26
If the site is "vulgur" why did you look up "I HATE WEDDINGS" on your computer....hmmmmm. Weddings are for fake, boring, unsophisticated people who need to feel showered with love from a bunch of people who could give a shit about them! I was at a wedding once where the brides family named the tables and put their "firends" on the D-table. Weddings now have nothing to do about the couple and most of them will probably end up getting a divorce anyway! What a waste of time and money.......
06/21 13:04:14
Thank you for making this site. . i wanna get married and everyone is trying to pressure me into making it into a big affair and to eat out!. . its too much bullshit. . having to invite people and family you hate. . and to give them food and hear people complain or nit-pick at my wedding. . . fuck it i'm eloping to vegas! with a dress thats 200 dollars. . see yah!
07/08 01:12:03
Registries are controversial. it has it's good and bad. Like for example bad part of a wedding when 1 has no registry is that you'll probably get 15 wall clocks, 20 vases etc. good part if there's no repetition , you can actually cherish memories of who gave you what for your wedding. For my wedding when I was distributing wedding invitations I had not mentioned about my registry. Only those who asked if I did register, I told them where I did. Also , I did mention that I had registered in a hurry so it really isn't a big deal to get me things from registry as I couldn't think of burdening my guests with 200-500 dollar china that I most likely will never use ...their presence and blessings were enoough. I really left it upto the guests to decide what to do in terms of gifts. Most of my wedding gifts were not from registered place. But all the gifts that I did receive were so great. I appreciated each one of their thoughts. They were thoughtful enough to buy me stuff that I still use today. I remember an aunt that I knew through social gatherings asked me what color i liked...and i think i said lavendar ....on my wedding day she got me a Lavendar dinner set. It really was so greatful of her. there are little ways you can express it doesn't have to be expensive. Another friend sew me a throw with my name and my husband's name with a thoughtful writing piece. The people to whom I'm most gratefull are the friends who were there to help with my simple wedding that made the event look so gorgeous. My friends helped decorate my wedding stage, seated guests , prepared a nice folk dance....all that is still in my memory and those were the best presents I ever received for my wedding.
07/15 14:10:12
The person that wrote this Web site sounds cheap, unthoughtful and bitter.

A surprise party for your day and a wedding are two different things. You can't compare. I logic falls short. #1 you Dad isn't young, starting a new life. The point of wedding is to support the bride and groom and not be a tab on their bill.

I hope this person at least gives a card.

Also, the point of registries is not to push people into buying a gift. It's suppose to make it easier for guest who want to give a gift. Think of when you got a gift that you couldn't use or was just unthoughtful. There is no social norm saying you have to buy from a registry but it's a good idea so you know you're getting the couple something they will like.

Also, it sounds like this person should just not go to weddings if he can't afford or make an effort to give a card and at least a nominal gift as a kind gesture. Why does this person feel so much pressure. If you do, then deep down you know you're in the wrong. You're probably not the type of person who does any type of volunteer work either.
07/28 01:53:50
Thomas J. Kelly

It's one thing to have an opinion on weddings, but you're so bitter that you've got a graphic of a bull's eye cross hair on a bride image. You need some professional help. Plus, you need some writing skills.

Do all your friends, if you have any, a favor and don't go to their weddings. Doesn't sound like they would miss you. What B.S. about your presence is all the bride and groom need. Do you even give a card? Probably not. You sound pretty self centered and bitter. Good luck!
07/28 02:02:53
Well, as for covering your plate - I'm off to a wedding this weekend where I'm not getting fed! A medical condition means I cannot eat high quantities of fat & despite telling the bride & groom more than a month in advance & asking if I could possibly just get veg & plain grilled chicken they couldn't speak to the caterer, no they cancelled my meal & I'll be sat there eating a sandwich I've made myself! So I guess that means I'll get out of buying a gift!
07/30 14:39:52
If you show up at a wedding without a gift, its horribly tacky.

Also, I have never in my life seen a wedding invitation that said I had to "pay for my plate". People are making this stuff up. Maybe because they are jealous of those who are getting married.

If you have an attitude, don't even go to the wedding. You won't be missed.
08/01 12:12:42
I have an amazing relationship with an amazing man - in no way do I want to ruin it with a marriage, never mind an obnoxious wedding. Talk about jinxing a good thing :)
08/02 11:18:12
I avoid weddings at all costs (other than my immediate family or very, very best friends...the ones you can count on one hand). I always get invited to current or past co-worker's weddings and always decline. I used to feel guilty but not anymore. "0 attending" thank you very much. In general, they are torturous and I can find 1000 other things I'd rather do than dress up and watch people dance to "Time of Our Lives" only to divorce 2 years later. Weddings...the biggest social scam of modern times.
08/02 19:19:37
I think weddings go overboard these days. It is in the big picture only one day. I think however, that when you are invited to a wedding you bring a gift (usually equal to or more the cost of your plate). It is common decency. Weddings are very expensive (even cheap ones), and the reason they are so pricey is because drink, wine and the hall for everyone to enjoy costs money. I think it is downright rude to have the mentality that "my presence is gift enough". The day is not about you, and if you are too cheap or disgruntled to help the couple minimally with the wedding expense or a gift of something they need to begin their life together, then do not attend. Do not punish the couple who are inviting you to a wonderful meal and party on their dime. Are you also the sort of person that shows up to a dinner party empty handed because "your presence is enough"? It is common sense!
08/07 03:00:26
Couldn't agree more. A gift is not a gift if you are socially obliged to give it. Too often, the costs of all the "loved ones" involved - from travel to taking time off to buying dresses and shoes/renting tuxes, getting hair done together - are ignored or minimized by the couple who is spending more than they can afford on a wedding. Isn't there at least a little remorse about making others spend so much on a party for you?

My fiance and I are eloping and throwing a party when we get back. We are asking not to be given presents, particularly from those who are traveling. We don't feel comfortable asking people to pay for coming to an event to which WE invited them.
08/10 11:37:40
I love this. I am actually offended when people give me gifts.. we were literally yelled at and forced into having a registry... and everytime we get something I just sit and think, "Have none of these people ever met me..?" Can't they see that this whole wedding has been hijacked!!! my freaking insane mother in law and my parents fear of being "uncouth". Ack this is the only site that is worth reading about weddings. The rest is all just wedding porn... it is just a gross attempt to bring out the worst of the worst in us... and wrapping it in lace so that we think it covers up the greed and nutso commoditization of our lives.. f@#$ wedding gifts
09/01 22:32:30
I can promise you this guy is a cheap liberal, Most have no common sense. I could not believe this guy actually made a web site about this, sure wedding's are expensive, I know I just got married 2 days ago, but we paid out of our own pocket and had no intentions on being greedy,I was raised to give at weddings, I go to 2I have been to many, and what he failed to mention is it is the companies that sell party the favors, flowers, halls, limo's etc. Are the ones who are scamming!! just mention marriage and the price rises 500% ... please anyone reading this, if you agree with this ass then do not go to any wedding,
Please .... you will NOT be missed! If you are going thru tough times at least buy a card, that's fine with us, We had several of those type. We had open bar at the rehearsal, the scrubs were hanging at the bar doing shot after shot the whole time, we spent 1,500.00 talk about Taking advantage, some of those scrubs were the ones that did not even give a gift or a card at the reception. Me and my fiance went to their weddings and we always a hundred a piece, out of 150 people 30 gave nothing, not even a card! the rest were more than generous, some extremely generous, We will wait a month or two because I'm sure some people were either drunk & forgot or they took the box away to soon or they might mail it tom us, whatever maybe a late registry present, hell one card was found in a plant! We know there is a recession but if you are broke at least bring a 5 dollar Dunkin donuts card or a card period, to not do so is very cheesy!! 5 of them were my band mates ...we were very shocked!! I hate to bring politics in this but the good traditions of this country are being destroyed by ass's like this guy who went our of his way to make a web site up! lol what a loser, and I could not believe all the people agreeing with him! most of the young in this country are truly losing sight of traditions, charity and good human nature, respect and good will is falling short in this country, we went from the greatest generation during WW 2 to now the shittiest generation of liberal idiots like this jerk off, soon taking down the dead vets cross's because it offends certain people
09/07 11:25:22
I think it's interesting. There are a lot of people on here who complain that a person's "presence is not enough" or a gift in itself. They complain about how expensive weddings are, about how much the alcohol costs, how much the food costs, and claim that the guests have some responsibility to help shoulder the cost. They seem to forget that, as a couple planning a wedding, you have complete control over the amount you spend. So the company wants way too much money? Find an alternative. The sit down dinner is expensive? Don't have a sit down dinner. Cold cuts, rolls, and cake will fill your guests up. I find it difficult to take this argument seriously since the couple has control over how much they spend to begin with.
And why is it up to the guests to realize that "it's not about the amount you spend but only about showing support for the couple" when many coupled contributors feel free to notice how much their guests spend? Seems like it's about the money for them, too. If you spend so much on a wedding that you feel slighted if the guests didn't help shoulder some of the cost, perhaps you spent too much?? That is no one else's fault.
As a guest, I don't feel slighted in the least if I am not provided with a free sit down meal or alcohol. It's not the couple's responsibility to provide these things. Wedding nuts, mints, a piece of cake -- even if the groom's mom made it -- is plenty for me. It's about celebrating the couple's marriage and being there for them. It's about experience and sharing. It's not about how big the reception hall was, or whether they had a DJ,or a live band, or just a boom box. It's about sharing the experience together. If a couple will not be happy without an expensive, elaborate wedding, then that is up to them. I would never expect friends to help pay for my house just because I wanted a bigger one than I could afford. The same principal applies to weddings, in my opinion.
And it's also not about who brought a gift and who didn't. The couple is not owed gifts just because they sent out an invitation to someone. That person's presence IS a gift, because that person is choosing to spend their free time celebrating with the couple when they could do something anything else. What some don't realize is that weddings are emotional experiences for many people. Personally, I have to face up to a host of emotions if I am going to attend a wedding. For that reason, I don't attend most weddings to which I am invited, and that is my choice. If I do attend, then it takes a lot of chin-upping and lip-biting on my part. I might buy the couple a new glass pitcher, but the gift that was given with the most heart was my attendance at the wedding. That is much harder than dropping a few bucks on a trinket. I don't think many couples realize that.
Once again, the quality of a wedding, for the couple AND for the guests, should be MUCH more about sharing the experience of the couple's marriage vows than it is about economics. Squabbling about how much should be spent seems to miss the target entirely when it comes what really matters about a wedding.
10/24 21:02:45
Lol my captcha letters had fuk in it . I find it funny all the guys are laughing and the stupid stuck up girls are all complaining get over yourselves . Now stfu make me some nachos and get me a beer the game is on.
11/06 13:33:44
Amen. I don't understand why couples don't understand that nobody wants to be at their wedding but THEM! It's a burden on everyone! Why don't they realize this????
11/11 01:05:56
I'm sick of it! Celebrate your stupid "LOVE" on your own time.
11/11 01:07:08
I think ALL guests should at least have the decency to give a card if they decide to go to a wedding. If you show up with nothing (not even a card you can get at the dollar store) everyone will perceive you as just being there for a free meal, especially if you leave after the dinner.
Puhleez- I guess that means you've never been to a wedding then. And if you do end up getting married, I guess you won't be having a wedding. Your choice.
11/12 19:03:44
I do not see any fantastic theory on ur article, I just realize that how important on ur selffish and ur money...
Actually, the wedding gift or money just a congratuation msg to the u think that such a few hundreds can cover the whole banquet fee? And I'm really sorry for ur friends to hv a friend like u...if I am the couple, I just want all participant to be happy and give the true wish to us...not mainly focus to the wedding will make u lost how much of ur money and ur time...if u a not really to give ur true wish...even u pay a lot...hope u do not need to attend the wedding actually u just make the couple and ur friends feel sad...
01/02 11:55:00
Gotta tell you, it's making a lot of sense. We're not expecting our family to pay for the wedding, nor our guests. We've been putting money aside and frugally considering what's important to us - at the end of the day, after all, if we're married that's all we need. If you show up, thank you! Having been a wedding guest at a few weddings by now, I hate the pomp and all the trouble I have to go through just to be there and the money I pour into it just to feel anxious I haven't put enough in the envelope at the end of the day. One wedding we went to, the bride literally blew up at brunch the next day because she didn't get the cash she thought she would and now she was horribly in debt. She PURPOSELY spent more than she could have because of the rule of guests paying for their plates. $40,000 wedding later it serves her freaking right.
01/08 00:03:12
I don't agree with you. Gifts are actually expressions of Love to wedding couple. We gave them with the feelings from bottom of our hearts.
01/16 00:40:28
I was just invited to a wedding on the condition that I pay a "small cover charge" of thirty five dollars for the meal. It beggars belief. I would have to buy an outfit, travel five hours to the wedding, pay for a hotel (already we are talking hundreds of dollars) and then pay for the meal as well? So rude that it's hilarious.
02/05 06:51:00
I agree with this article.
My wedding was a celebration that i can afford, the presence of my guess were the gift but many of them brought 'a bonus' gift. We received many things from cheque to kitchen gadget. The thing is wedding suppose to be an event to celebrate LOVE not about asking your guess to help you with your wedding cost.
04/06 12:49:00
I am a bride to be and I think this article is GREAT! And hilarious. Loving it. I hate my own wedding already and I haven't even had it yet. I've been trying to get my fiance to elope since the day he proposed. Wish me luck.
04/08 21:40:14
I agree with the author in that the expected requirement of gifts and extortion by wedding companies and guilt trips by the couple and immediate family is wrong. While not in good taste, you don't have to give a gift if you don't/can't afford to. Also, for those who call the people cheapskates, fuck your greed just because they don't give you a gift on your wedding day. Doesn't mean they don't intend to, just means they couldn't at the time. From what I gathered on a few websites, you don't have to give a gift, and etiquette allows for a gift to be given within a year of the marriage.
05/28 14:03:04
If you don't like weddings or giving gifts for them then don't RSVP to them and then there will be no reason for this ignorant website and your useless (and unsupported by most) comments. I am impressed you dedicated so much time to this, creating a website and all - you must be unemployed and very bored. That would also explain why you don't give a gift at the weddings you attend
06/07 22:09:57
I agree with you. I feel sick over a wedding i'm in soon because I have the distinct feeling in my gut that they're only getting married for the stuff and because this is what 'good christians' are supposed to do. They are not in love. They registered for things that do not fit their lifestyle or their means, they are pretending they are something they are not. And there are all these rules about not doing our own makeup etc etc. It's not about them getting married and sharing it with their friends and family, it's about the bride mostly having a "ME ME ME" day and party.

I take pleasure in knowing that once the big day is over they'll be as miserable as all the other married couples out there HAHA.
06/18 13:08:47
I agree and disagree with a lot of your comments... there are good and bad weddings... but I just think your attitude is kind of sad. You should really just stop going to weddings. Some people like giving gifts at weddings, some people enjoy speeches and celebrating and getting to see loved ones and people you enjoy being happy for. If you don't, then there's really no point in going.
I think the people who really want to go should go, and if youre going to whine and complain, just stay home and send an e-card... if that's not too much trouble to you... and they're free too.
06/22 16:41:22
If couples spent as much time planning their marriage as their wedding - I think the divorce rate would go down.

How do you come down off the high of spending a year planning this spectacular event - to being a happily married couple? I overheard one newlywed bride stating that she wished the honeymoon had been delayed (and couldn't wait to get home from the honeymoon) to hear what everyone was saying about it. Seriously? Did you marry the wedding or your husband?

This is
07/12 12:25:59
Wow this is the best thing I've come across doing a search for wedding gifts !! I couldn't agree more. Weddings are extremely unfair, not just for the reasons stated above, but in my case - I live with my boyfriend and we've made the decision not to get married to spare parents and ourselves expenses. We both have extensive educations (masters) but through luck of life, we make very little money. The result - we don't have bridal shower, wedding registries, and other extortion from our friends. We make do. Yet we are constantly participating and giving gifts to others, on top of plane tickets to crazy destinations - and some of the friends from the weddings we've been to have already divorced !! The irony.
07/21 07:25:09
Weddings these days are so lame. I would only go to one if I knew the two people really well and it was low-key, or the couple got married at the court and was just throwing a party after wards. But oh no, little princess and mother-in-law to be can't have that.

I have better things to do than rent a tux, buy gifts at a registry, drive an hour away in this killer summer heat to watch all these pretentious idiots I don't know act like the best thing ever is about to happen today.
07/30 09:03:56
I don't give a shit about who is fucking who! I am a poor student and I keep get invitations often. Soon my best friend is getting married. She is annoying me with all her plans already.I can't focus at my studies with all her to do lists. I try to help sometimes but she is not understanding that I have so much to do with school. I don't get thank you for any task I do for her on top of that.I keep telling her I can't because ... she doesn't get it. I typed "I hate weddings" and found this site. I am so happy to see many of you annoyed by this none sense,selfish brides who think nothing but them. It's not the right time for me to kill my grades for a wedding! How shall I approach her? Can someone help? To all future brides don't torture your friends who do not have the time and resources!
08/05 22:33:28
So agree with this. I was recently a bridesmaid for my friend's wedding. I don't make nearly as much money as them. They had a donation box at the wedding for the expenses for their honeymoon. I did not contribute because I had already bought them a gift. It was a cheap (ie within-my-budget) gift but it was also pretty cool and I KNEW it was something she'd like. After the wedding, the bride said she didn't want it and that money for their trip would be nicer. What would be even nicer than money for her trip, I thought, would be if she didn't decide to make me feel awkward just so she could get another few bucks for her vacation, sorry I mean "honeymoon." Especially after I'd already spent a lot of money (for me) on being a bridesmaid and the gift. IF I have extra money, I'd rather give it to a charity than to people who seem to think they're super-special just because they're sharing a bed. Or at least they could have made it clear that they only wanted money for the honeymoon rather than any other gifts.
08/22 13:25:14
This is hilarious....very well said. It's funny how you get invited to people's weddings but never get invited to go over to their home for dinner or out to lunch or anything. Not even a phone call to see how you are doing....but when it comes to finding people they can get free gifts from then they send out an invitation. Same goes with graduation invitations. No, I don't want to go to your kid's high school graduation so please don't send me an invitation in the hopes of getting a check.
I think brides should consider that some people just to attend a wedding have to buy something really nice to wear
08/22 16:46:47
FINALLY! Someone tells it like it is! By the way, you forgot about the "social ettiquette" of sending a wedding gift if you can not make it to the wedding. What if I just don't like you? You don't like me either. We work together. We are not friends. You invited me because you had to (because you invited everyone else from the office.) I don't WANT to attend your wedding and spend my hard-earned money on a gift for you. (By the ettiquette says that I have a year to send a gift. I think I'll wait. Who knows? You just may be divorced in a year. I think I'll save myself some time and money!)
09/03 18:06:44
Wow Sadie, that's .... that's just.....amazing.

The point people overlook most in this discussion is that if the wedding you're having strains your finances to such an extreme that you have to take up a collection from your GUESTS to finance it, IT'S TOO MUCH FUCKING WEDDING. THERE IS NO NEED, PEOPLE. Where did we get the idea that we have to impoverish ourselves to have a good time or a beautiful, dignified ceremony, and, more to the point, when did that become everyone ELSE'S PROBLEM!?!?!?!
Would you buy a car you couldn't afford, and then say to a friend who needed a ride, "well, as it turns out I'm in over my head on this mazarati... I can pick you up from the dentist, but how about kicking in $20 bucks to help cover my rims".
Justifying the extraordinary rudeness by enumerating the "amenities" of the wedding celebration is as bad as saying, "yeah, but when I pick Mark up he's getting to sit on my Italian leather seats and enjoy the icy blast of my dual zone custom climate control... so why SHOULDN't he help pay for it."

It's obscene, and disgusting, and it perverts the concepts of friendship and charity beyond recognition.
09/14 11:24:30
"I wonder if you've ever thought of what single, independent people think of this? Don't they need things to start their lives too? Don't they need money?

The big difference is that we singles don't throw extravagant, glorified, over-hyped fund raisers to cover the costs of "starting our lives." We go out and earn it the old fashioned way.

How about this: I'll keep my $100, you keep your "free" food, music, and drinks. There are more fun ways to spend a Friday or Saturday than watching two "soulmates" marry only to see them divorce two years later."

This is exactly my point of view! I don't mind giving gifts for reciprocal occasions like birthday's or when a couple is needing thousands of diapers for an expected child. Children are extremely expensive and most couples do not go into a pregnancy already owning baby stuff.

However, in this day and age when people are no longer getting married straight out of their parent's homes, I just don't understand why wedding gifts are still required. My friends are now starting to get married. We are all in our 30s with our own homes. The men my friends are marrying are well established in life also. Why the need for gifts just because it's expected and the couple wants some cool new gadgets.

I've never wanted to get married, I do not plan on getting married. Can I get some non-wedding gifts at some point from all my married friends so I can continue my single self-reliant life?
09/23 17:31:20
"I wonder if you've ever thought of what single, independent people think of this? Don't they need things to start their lives too? Don't they need money?

The big difference is that we singles don't throw extravagant, glorified, over-hyped fund raisers to cover the costs of "starting our lives." We go out and earn it the old fashioned way.

How about this: I'll keep my $100, you keep your "free" food, music, and drinks. There are more fun ways to spend a Friday or Saturday than watching two "soulmates" marry only to see them divorce two years later."

This is exactly my point of view! I don't mind giving gifts for reciprocal occasions like birthday's or when a couple is needing thousands of diapers for an expected child. Children are extremely expensive and most couples do not go into a pregnancy already owning baby stuff.

However, in this day and age when people are no longer getting married straight out of their parent's homes, I just don't understand why wedding gifts are still required. My friends are now starting to get married. We are all in our 30s with our own homes. The men my friends are marrying are well established in life also. Why the need for gifts just because it's expected and the couple wants some cool new gadgets.

I've never wanted to get married, I do not plan on getting married. Can I get some non-wedding gifts at some point from all my married friends so I can continue my single self-reliant life?
09/23 17:33:54
This is why I only give cash as a gift with every wedding I go to. I don't even bother with the registry.

My best friend just received THREE CROCK POTS already in the showers and such. He already had one at home...why get new ones?

I think more about how much debt he'll have because he wanted a grand wedding.

I agree one shouldn't be coerced or forced to give from the heart, but for me it's from the heart. I just wish people would chill out and stop throwing grand receptions on the idea that the cash gifts will pay for it.

I know I will decline weddings if I don't want to give a gift. I don't care if they dislike me for it. If I'm tapped on cash and/or time, then I don't go...not unless it's a close friend or relative.
10/04 11:23:10
to nikki who wrote:
"All this website and the ppl who post boils down to bitterness. They're lonely and jealous of couples who are in love...even if they are married for only 2 years. Jealous that someone loves someone sooooo much that they wanna to be 2gether forever. Nothing is for sure. Ppl fall in and out of love. But to not take the chance on love and happiness even if it is only a temporary spot in time is being"...bla bla...

The people posting here because they hate weddings aren't bitter nor are they necessarily single...they are just irritated at being invited to weddings of ppl they hardly know. It's ridiculous to change your saturday night plans to go to a wedding of some couple you don't know that well and have to shell out some cash as well. Weddings are a total hassle...I got married and and made it a point to elope since weddings are annoying. No one gives a fuck and if you want to buy into that bullshit that the wedding industry is selling you then you're more than likely to be disappointed. Get over yourself weddings aren't what movies make them out to be. they never are.
10/23 15:00:54
I fucking HAAAAAAAAAAAAAATE weddings. You're all a bunch of immature pratts. AAAAAANNNND .....WHY do you lose weight for your wedding ?? We all know that you are fat and will be fat again a week after your stupid wedding. Get a life and grow up....the world doesn't revolve around YOU. Do you have ANY idea how much effort it is to alter a wedding gown. You all pissed me off so much that I eloped for my own wedding. Go get a life and stop blaming the wedding industry. NOBODY is forcing you to use it. Also, WHY are you all on here justifying your crappy weddings ? Go find another site to tell your shite story to and stop botherin us.
10/26 11:12:22
I recently got married my best friend of 18 years was my maid of honor. This was my second marriage she was also a bridesmaid at my first marriage. I did not receive a gift from her at my first marriage and did not receive a gift from her at my second marriage. As my maid of honor she was completely useless. She did not plan my bachelor party, somone else did and during the party she sat there looking miserable and speaking to nonone. I spent close to $500 on her dress which was almost the same price as my wedding dress. She showed late at the wedding and was not there to help me get dressed. Luckily the best man's wife helped me otherwise I would have never been ready in time. I find it tacky that we have still not received a gift from her. She brags about how much her fiance makes is constantly telling me she has no money but buys herself jewellery from Tiffany's goes on trips etc. I find it very tacky. Am I being petty?
10/26 15:40:40
uno whats bullshit? two words. BABY SHOWERS
10/27 10:50:25
I agree with the article. PPl pretty much frown upon a gift because they are expecting money to cover the cost of the wedding. If they cant afford a big expensive wedding they shouldnt have one. Expecting guests to pay for your party is selfish and greedy. When I got married I wrote on the invitation no gifts because having the presence of my guests there was enough for me. It wouldnt feel right knowing that so and so would be broke rest of month because as a young person most of my friends are in college or just finished and starting out. $100 for some ppl is more than they can afford.
11/21 13:14:18
Wow, so many bitter people out there. I guess in the "old days" people got married younger and needed some essentials so that's how it all started. I can count on 2 hands how many weddings I have been to. Some of you must have a lot of friends to be going to so many weddings. You could always say no instead of bitching. Don't worry about covering the "plate" cost, just get them something in your budget. I received a Betty Crocker cookbook when I got married 30 years ago, delivered to my door, unwrapped, and I remember it more than most of my gifts.
01/09 01:13:57
Hate Weddings with a passion to much fannying about if I did get married get a quick wedding in Vegas that way less fanny about, at weddings the bride and groom come self centered and get big egos I have been invited to about 5 or 6 weddings in my life (4 of them mates and 2 family) and I rejected all of them and put the same thing in each invite (if it isin't in Vegas then I will not be coming), the bride and groom don't care if you were there at their wedding they won't remember you being there trust me you can say well my mate remembers me at her wedding no she or he doesn't she or he is just saying that so is not hurt your feelings.
02/11 19:49:30
As a poor student I was put on a friend's wedding party. If I knew how much money they expected me to shell out for that position I would have said no. I gotta pay for school and rent here! Our "friendship" basically evaporated because I had to choose between throwing them a huge party and being able to feed myself for the next month. I was invited to every pre-wedding event and was pressured to bring money or gifts to every one.

I did the best I could and gave them gifts from the heart - personal, but inexpensive things like some custom framed pictures I had made of the place they first met. My parents backed me up and gave them a lot of money (and we don't have much) to help start their life together. We never even got a thank you and they don't talk to me anymore. Good riddance.
03/19 16:43:31
It shouldn't be so hard to find a common sense balance between wedding couple selfishness and cheapskate guests.

The quick points are these:
1) Not everyone having a wedding is a bridezilla who thinks she is being deified for at least the one day in her life. I am getting married in six weeks and am trying to have a nice but reasonable wedding since it's on my parents' dime--and it's actually a celebration for my whole family too--though it's still not what I would call cheap. Of course, I registered for a lot of stuff to give people a lot to choose from IF they decide to get us gifts, though I don't think everyone will. In reality, I hated the registration process: it was overwhelming, made me feel selfish, and took a lot of work to make it as simple and non-greedy as possible. We really took a lot of time to think about what we need and can't afford to buy ourselves right now or in the near future.
2) Guests are just that. You invited them, and they lack even the obligation to come. Just be glad people want to share your day with you. Other posters are right: even if they care about you and want to be there, your wedding day means a whole lot more to you than it does to them. If you think you're being invited just for a gift, don't attend.
3) Guests who come just for the meal and open bar? Why did you invite these people and why are they your friends anyway? Lose them.
4) If you do accept an invitation to a wedding, especially if it's family or a close friend, you will probably already want to offer a gift--particularly if it is a couple who are young and starting out or who don't have as lucrative a job as you. But if you can't afford even a modest gift--whether or not it seems to cover the expense of hosting you--be more thoughtful than I was when I was broke and at least give a card with your well-wishes for the couple.
03/29 16:47:59
I assume that someone has already posted this, but damn there is already too many comments for me to sift through, what about the wedding industry-complex??? This site, and this author, while fully entertaining and right on in some respects, are placing the blame completely upon the couple. WHO is telling the couple that they need to do these things? WHO is making these rules about weddings that are robbing our pocketbooks? As a bridesmaid and bride-to-be, just as pissed off as the rest of you, I do not blame the brides. I blame the social conventions that we continue to support, the conventions that tell them what they are supposed to do, all those things we hate...
04/15 00:35:03
Eh, I read the first part, but honestly, I think all of you people who went through all the troubble to read this, then say extremly negitave things about it, get off this site then~! If you don't like the writers, then why are you HERE reading this~?
05/04 01:59:10
I was with you all the way to the last setence. it didnt make sense to your point and makes you seem mean and bitter. Why would u go to a wedding of someone u dont like and you clearly said you dont bring presents to any weddings? I dont believe in registry idea but I still find something from the heart for my loved ones.
05/06 14:30:04
"I can promise you this guy is a cheap liberal, Most have no common sense."

At least they can write in English.

"we went from the greatest generation during WW 2..."

Yeah, and you weren't one of them, Chickenhawk.

" now the shittiest generation of liberal idiots like this jerk off, soon taking down the dead vets cross's because it offends certain people."

All the other con-troll sites kicked you off, or are you just starting to practice being a massive fascist douche? Stay on topic, and get a tutor.
06/01 05:19:03
I believe that back in the OLD Days before their were banquet tables, unlimited alcohol and fun ....people honored their friends, neighbors and family when they were married by bringing them a gift for the couples new life togather. I think the free meal and hangover came later...I believe that the author of this article or rant if you will is a terrible cheapskate that wants a free meal ..This person doest sound like much of a friend or even a happy person.
06/08 00:55:10
To Jen 12/23 18:20:43 who said "your presence is not a present" -- you are a royal B-witch! I am speechless.
06/13 17:57:30
I was entertained by the amount of people who wrote in saying that the author was a terrible cheapskate, that he didn't understand what a wedding gift was for.

First of all, if you ask me to make a monetary gift and label it as "paying for my plate", I will assume that its purpose is, in fact, to pay for my plate. It follows in the same line of reason as if you ask me to pay for an oil change, I assume I'm paying for exactly that - an oil change. A guest at a wedding should be treated exactly as a guest would be in your own home. It is not a question of manners, but hospitality. If your hospitality involves charging your house guest for every home cooked meal, the bed they sleep in and your company, then I suggest you get some lessons in being a good host. If you have too many people or have chosen too expensive a venue to pay for these things out of your own pocket, then perhaps you should axe the guest list or consider holding the wedding elsewhere. If your wedding is too big for your wallet, then it is too big for you. far as gifts go, if you ask me to give a gift such as a reasonably priced set of cookware or towels or bedding or some other useful household good to help "start the life of the new couple", then I would be happy to purchase said present. I think the problem is here that the concept of "helping the couple begin their life together" and gim'me! complex are starting to bash heads. The resulting collision has created an ugly monster of avarice and vanity.
07/02 23:23:40
If you don't have the decency to give a gift to your host, you should not attend. This is not a new phenomenon; it's an age old tradition that is respected anywhere you go on the planet. While some couples may be tasteless about the topic, most have their heart in the right place & set no reimbursement expectations. My parents and grandparents, after 40-65 years of marriage, still have 'wedding gifts' displayed or utilized in their homes today. You are clearly an ill mannered, unworldly person with nothing interesting to offer the world, so you made a horrendous website to sound cool and funny. It's not at all cool and seems a lot of your readers are equally not cool. Do your friends and family a favor and when they invite you to their event and decline. You don't deserve to be there.
07/07 09:51:16
THANK YOU! I have to say I love this site more than for the name. I hate weddings it just brings out the worst manners in people in the guise of "manners". I only go to wedding I absolutely have to. Those are 3000 miles away in my hometown. Between airfare, hotel and a small gift I get expected to show up alone (even though I have a long time boyfriend but we are not married). Eat crappy overpriced food and then give you a gift on top of it. Oh yeah, dance to crappy music and listen to pathetic speeches and watch everyone around me get shit faced. I don't drink. So oh boy is this fun. Sort of the prom except I got to take a date however pathetic. And the insanity begins as another niece ties the knot. It's such a waste with the rate of divorce being about 80% what's the point.
07/10 00:58:48
THANK YOU! I have to say I love this site more than for the name. I hate weddings it just brings out the worst manners in people in the guise of "manners". I only go to wedding I absolutely have to. Those are 3000 miles away in my hometown. Between airfare, hotel and a small gift I get expected to show up alone (even though I have a long time boyfriend but we are not married). Eat crappy overpriced food and then give you a gift on top of it. Oh yeah, dance to crappy music and listen to pathetic speeches and watch everyone around me get shit faced. I don't drink. So oh boy is this fun. Sort of the prom except I got to take a date however pathetic. And the insanity begins as another niece ties the knot. It's such a waste with the rate of divorce being about 80% what's the point.
07/10 01:00:14
In the old days, everything is cheap. You can bring in your own alcohols to restaurants and banquet hall. Wedding is expensive nowaday. Like someone mention above, when you mention "wedding" the price goes up double or triple. I didn't know that until I was planning my wedding. I don't expect my guest to cover all the wedding cost or make a profit. If I want to make a profit, I can cheap out in EVERYTHING. Three courses meal - salad, entree and desert $20 and cash bar or just appetizers with just two or three rounds of appetizers. I'm sorry that's all the food I want to provide. You pay for your own alcohol. Gift or no gift, it's not expected. But does it seems fair for generous close friends or family who did give a gift? I learn the hard way. I was tooo nice. I did everything myself - a DIY bride ( created my own invitations, centerpieces (i gave it all aways to guests), bridesmaid bouquet, wedding favours etc) and it still cost around $40K. We paid everything and not our parents. I want people to get their money worth, enjoy themselves and more. We pick a Saturday because we want our guests to enjoy themselves and not worry about going to work tomorrow. Weekend is more expensive than weekday. We were thinking of providing our guests with free taxis but lucky we changed our mind because it will cost an extra 2-3K.
I paid for my bridesmaid's dress, hair and makeup and thank you gifts $50 each.
I'm not working but that's my big big THANK YOU for them to take the time and help me with my BIG day.
I was born in a family where wedding is important and it is once in a lifetime. No such thing as a 2nd or 3rd wedding. I do not expect people to give another gifts for the 2nd or 3rd wedding. It's not right.
The money we received from friends and family will help contribute to the wedding and our new lives together (buying furnitures, buying appliances etc.)

"The gift/money is to help the couple get started... the wedding is a way for everyone to pool in and add up to a lot in a time when the couple actually needs the money. Afterwards, the action is reciprocated at each wedding" True, whoever gave me $200, we will give $200 back. Whoever gave me $25 GC for two people will get $25 GC back when we attend their wedding. Will they invite us once they start planning for their wedding?

My atitude is, if you are generous, I would be generous back. If you are a cheapsake, I wouldn't go out with you often and offer to pay for your food/drinks on your birthday or get together. It is better for you to stay home. I do not want to be taken advantage off when I consider you a friend. If you are wondering why I never invite you over for bbq, that's why.
07/14 13:56:17
Check this. I was just sent an email invite that wasn't even an invite it was just a dodgy email from a distant relative I have never met. I replied 'INAPPROPRIATE EMAIL. DO NOT CONTACT ME AGAIN"
The week before a janitorial staff person at my gym walked up to me and handed me an invite for one of her 5 daughters baby shower.
The woman is a grasping leech who behind the managers back does things like this so I REPORTED HER TO THE GM and she was suspended for 3 days for continual harassment of members for money and gifts. Next up. I worked a freelance gig at a produce company. I chatted infrequently with another customer service agent. I left the job and a month later I am sent an invitation to a wedding by this person. I did not respond. That is how you deal with these grasping greedy females. Shut them doen and embarass them
08/17 09:20:10
I don't agree that you shouldn't bring a gift to a wedding at all. But I do agree that weddings have become WAY too over the top. Brides shoving info down everyone's throat. Money being spent left and right. People taking advantage of the soon to be married couple by charging arms and legs for simple party favors. Someone said that weddings are in excess of 5 grand. LOL Try i haven't heard of a wedding costing less than 20grand. and 20 is LOW. It is just absolutely ridiculous. I hope to get married someday and I want it at the justice of the peace.
08/17 13:56:59
When you go to a dinner party, you bring a gift and don't go empty handed. The gift doesn't have to be expencive either (a bottle of wine, flowers, chocolate). When you go to a wedding, you are a guest, and as such, it is customary to bring a gift, or at least a card. Again, the gift doesn't have to be expencive, just something in your price range. Usually wedding registries contain items in varying price ranges that you can pick from according to YOUR budget. If the couple who invited you, you don't like or know well and don't want to give them anything, then don't go to their wedding. If it's a close friend who invited you, chances are you are close to them and like them. Then probably you feel like you want to give them something (in YOUR price range, regardless of how much THEY expect). I think it's pretty simple. But I do agree that nowadays weddings are getting out of proportion and no guest should be expected to pay for their dinner. If you can't afford your big wedding, don't expect your guests to pay for it, do a smaller one.

I got married 8 years ago and organized the whole thing on my own (nearly gone insane, it was a lot of work, no wedding planners and such) cause my then fiance (now my hubby) was deployed, but we had a very nice wedding at the end. The people who we worked with were only invited to the church (no gifts, etc.). Family members and friends were also invited to the dinner. We told everyone that we rather have money (we were moving from Europe to the USA so we didn't have to move too much stuff, but I don't think an excuse is necessary - it is acceptable to just rather ask for money) and it was up to them to decide how much they wanted/afforded to give. We had a bride-dance (when people dance with the bride they pay for it and that is when they place the money in a covered bowl which no one else sees but the birde and groom at the end), so it is really up to the guests how much they are giving. If someone decided they rather wanted to give us a gift, that was fine too.
Dunno if you familiar with this tradition (i'm from Europe and the wedding was there too), but it might not be a bad idea to follow over here either.
The wedding was really nice and intimate (not tacky, still classy), but nothing like the bridezillas weddings I'm seeing on TV.
08/17 17:32:03
Wow, there are some true Bridezillas posting here, having "comment-tantrums" because somebody has suggested that they might be a bit greedy and self-centered by demanding a financial gain from their wedding guests. If you can't afford a wedding, then don't have one. You can't expect people to give you "gifts" to cover the cost of your party --- why not simply sell tickets or pass around a hat? How disrespectful! An invitation to a wedding is just that: a request for someone to join in celebration of a life-event --- not your chance to pretend to be a movie star for a day. A gift is just that: a voluntary token of esteem towards the couple --- not the ticket of admission to an event.
08/25 13:11:04
I am going to be a groomsman in my fathers upcoming THIRD wedding. His 21 year old bride (I'm 31 by the way, just to give you an idea of how old my father is) is a demanding bitch. The epitomy of "bridezilla," she is out of control.

I am choosing not to by them a gift. He's my father, yes. But it is his THIRD wedding. And when my wife and I decided to ditch the large drama filled wedding scene and were wed privately in Hawaii we recieved very few gifts. And of the very few gifts we did get, my father was not one of whom purchased a gift for us.

We did not expect gifts at all. In fact we made it known that we were not looking for gifts when people asked us where we were registered. We did not register at all for that very reason.

It's his third wedding.. She only registered at the MOST expensive places, and quite honestly I think the idea of giving gifts for a wedding is pointless. If you want a gift, DONT TELL ME WHERE TO BUY IT!!

As if I wasn't already fed up with this wedding and her dominearing.. Somehow she gets to decide what tuxes the groomsman are wearing also. Of all the tuxes to pick out, she picks the MOST EXPENSIVE style!

My god, do us all a favor and fly to a reomote beach, get married and send us some pictures! Fuck traditional weddings!
09/06 18:25:44
Wow, so many people vehemently disagree with the article. I've now come to the age where most of my friends and coworkers are getting married. It's not uncommon for us to be invited to two weddings in one month. It's absolutely ridiculous that I "owe" these people $100 per plate. A friend recently said that an open bar makes up for it, but hey, I don't drink. My partner and I don't plan on getting married. We've been living together for 2 years now, and are super content to build our careers and family together without the big party and poofy dress. It's for this reason that I'm now getting annoyed with having to buy other people the $100 Simple Human garbage can that I would love to have, but can't afford for myself. My partner and I have furnished our home ourselves and little by little built our enviable selection of kitchen gadgets and appliances. It's taken a while, but at no point have we expected others to chip in so our lives can be a bit more comfortable. I feel bitter - quite honestly, I will continue to purchase gifts off of registries and pay the $100 per plate that's expected in our circle, but as a matter of principle, if we ever do decide to get married, I'm going to make it clear that weddings are a celebration of love and commitment. They're frivolous, so please, no gifts. I agree with the author - spend what you can afford and have no expectations of your guests. Be happy that they are there to share in your special day (which, btw, is basically like any other day of your life). And if you can't afford your lavish wedding, don't rely on your guests to pay for it. Have some self-respect and dignity.
09/09 13:26:37
I felt better after reading through this website. I am a newlywed and looking back, I totally folded under the pressure of my guest. I had some family and friends pretty much barking orders. I wanted a small intimate wedding at a museum. It ended up being medium-sized because I didn't want to cause any drama by not inviting some family/friends. Then the food went from BBQ to catered with an open bar. I tried so hard to do everything for my guest...ended up being $15k (evil cycle!).

We had one couple that did a no-show and no-gift. (I don't care if they did one or the other, it's the thought that counts). About 33years ago, they invited us to their wedding and told us to be on time. Well, I got in a PLANE CRASH. YES, it crashed!! Everyone was OK, and I was about 15 minutes late to theiey were upset we were late and I had to was embarrassing. It just makes me so mad that I can show up after a horrible accident and they just didn't feel like coming. They wished us congrats on facebook and told us their gift was in the mail. Well, it never showed up and it pretty much ended our friendship.

Sad, weddings are a double edged sword. Celebrate it with those you love. I'm glad I did make my guest happy at my wedding- it was worth the $15k...but I forgot about myself and my husband during the event. Felt like I was at work! haha
09/11 17:38:05
My philosophy: People are so wrapped up in materialistic weddings that they don't see the big picture. It's about the ceremony, and the marriage of two individuals who love each other deeply. I couldn't give a damn about creating a perfect reception, or the matching bridesmaids dresses. I am a lesbian. All I want is full equality. The actual right to get married. I will get married in a sewer. I want my love and relationship to be recognized under state and federal law. That is what I want.

Materialistic Straight Brides....evaluate whats most important.

Thank you
10/01 02:30:43
you make a decent point. how do you handle people who include their children on an RSVP when the invitation specifically states "ADULT RECEPTION"? I had someone do this and I was cordial enough not to challenge this but with it they also brought more people who were not invited to the wedding. It was unbelievable. Who brings people not invited to a wedding? And then on top of it they didn't leave a gift so it was a double insult.
10/05 17:30:01
a little info for the nervy people who agree with this site: when a bride and groom foot the bill for an entire wedding(every aspect); there is usually NO WAY they will ever recoup nearly the cost of it let alone get any gift out of it ( given the reception is a half way decent one). not to mention how much time and effort they put into making the reception nice for you( centerpieces, place cards, writing invitations to you, picking out/making favors for you, etc) what a bunch of self centered people on this site. you must have some ego issue to think the bride and groom should be so lucky to be graced by your mere presence on a day that's about THEM NOT YOU!!! You're only making yourself look really bad or coming off as a total cheapskate. Its NOT ABOUT MONEY its about RESPECT & KINDNESS. i wouldnt DARE show up to someone's reception empty handed or even with a pathetic monetary gift. ive declined weddings because i couldnt afford to give the gift they deserve for being nice enough to invite me on their special day. i work a part time job & still manage to give decent gifts; even when i know the parents are paying for the reception; because thats just the proper thing to do; if you have any manners that is. the bride and groom are being selfless making a nice reception for YOU (nice dinner, open bar, dancing/music etc) on a day about them!) the very least you can do is give a decent gift. you are just making yourself look PATHETIC to the couple or a CHEAPSKATE FREELOADER if you can obviously afford a decent gift or even a kind note or 99 cent card if you truly cant afford one people notice this stuff, talk and remember it when the couple is footing the bill for all of the wedding trust me on this one. you are just making yourself look bad. its funny because the people who claim to not have the means to give a decent gift or any at all are the ones usually seen at the bar the next night or talking about there recent excursions out to dinner. selfish.
10/18 00:49:15
Respone to poster above "wedding adice for you wrote:" (10/05 17:30:01)

No, if the people holding the wedding can't afford to pay for it OUTRIGHT, then they should'nt be hold it in the first place. THINK. If you can't afford to buy a car, you don't simply ask all your friends to pay for the rest of it because you don't have enough money in the bank... THEY have their own lifes, families, and bills to consider. YOU need to set a budget like they do, and plan your expences so that they will be paid if everyone were to give you nothing. Not hold the event and then say, "Oh damn, I can't pay for my wedding bills because my assumptions about other peoples generosity were completely unrealistic, and I didn't get enough money out of them!".

It's the person who is making the unfair demands and placing the unreasonable expectations upon others who is truly the selfish one!
11/16 07:31:55
I hate weddings. I try very hard not to go to any of the ones that I am invited to. You have to get dressed up and sit for hours trying to make polite conversation, mostly with people you don't even know.

On the subject of the wedding gift. Here is my story. A girl that I knew as a teenager, who was a very distant relative sends me an invitation to her wedding. In that invitation, she has the nerve to send a very abbreviated registry list. Everything on that list was $400 and up. I knew that this girl had to want more things that the list of 5 items she sent me, so I went online to the place where she was registered. Sure enough, she had a very long list of items she wanted, and many of them were well under $400.

To say that my feelings were hurt and I was angry at her being so incredibly rude is putting it mildly. I sent her a gift, but I made sure that I stayed as far south of that $400 that she wanted as I could get. I bought her a Mikasa vase that was very nice and only paid $20 for it, making sure I put the receipt in the box showing it was on sale and how I used a coupon code to get even more of a discount.
12/12 11:30:07
Wow this site is so... Interesting.
I was looking for gift giving etiquette, since I dont want to offend anyone and I didn't realize the registry and wishing well thing was so disliked! We are having a small wedding, paid for via contributions from parents but mostly our own hard earned money. I wouldn't dream of asking anyone to buy a gift to "cover their plate", I just want my friends and family to be able to witness my marriage and be happy with my partner and I! We will likely include both wishing well and registry, for those that wish to bring a gift or donate money, but I have no expectations and honestly, the day itself is going to be awesome regardless of gifts!

I would just like to point out that if you don't specify a well or registry option, guests tend to ask friends and family for ideas anyway (based on a friends experience when she forgot to mention their plans!) and this is here you start getting those four toasters and so on. Not that I'd really mind four toasters, but therhought behind gift giving also includes an aspect of wanting your gift to be unique or useful. When I go to friends' weddings, I want to get them a gift that is practical or that they will enjoy, not stick in a cupboard till the previous toaster dies! Anyway, I think this will forever be a contentious issue, just because people will always differ in their opinions. Can'T please everyone!
12/21 17:24:22
I completely agree. Your presence should be enough. As a bride to be I'm hoping my guests come to celebrate us and not feel obligated to bring gifts. I forsee my wedding as one of the MANY celebrations I get to share with my husband. A wedding is ONE day and a marriage is a LIFETIME. It's so easy to forget that especially in this day and age where weddings are being blown out of proportion.
01/10 21:27:45
"wedding adice for you", realized this.

Weddings are NOT for the guests, they are to showcases the egos of the bride and groom, and perhaps the parents who may foot the bill. In almost all lavish weddings I've been to, it was more about showing status than it was celebrating. No matter how much you argue otherwise, you're still not right.

Some of the best weddings I've been to have been some of the most humble. Feeling like I need to pay $50 a plate for dry chicken and cheap champagne is an insult. I totally agree with this posted.

Remember, the average wedding is $26,000 ( AVERAGE. Most couples have these days have to finance their weddings, putting the brand new couple into thousands of dollars of debt. All for a one-day ego-boosting orgy of self-congratulation. Save the money, sock away that money and prepare for your new lives together, whether it be saving for a house, preparing for baby or simply having a good emergency fund and retirement going to ensure that your later years aren't marred by financial difficulties.
01/13 19:10:47
"wedding adice for you", realized this.

Weddings are NOT for the guests, they are to showcases the egos of the bride and groom, and perhaps the parents who may foot the bill. In almost all lavish weddings I've been to, it was more about showing status than it was celebrating. No matter how much you argue otherwise, you're still not right.

Some of the best weddings I've been to have been some of the most humble. Feeling like I need to pay $50 a plate for dry chicken and cheap champagne is an insult. I totally agree with this posted.

Remember, the average wedding is $26,000 ( AVERAGE. Most couples have these days have to finance their weddings, putting the brand new couple into thousands of dollars of debt. All for a one-day ego-boosting orgy of self-congratulation. Save the money, sock away that money and prepare for your new lives together, whether it be saving for a house, preparing for baby or simply having a good emergency fund and retirement going to ensure that your later years aren't marred by financial difficulties.
01/13 19:11:12
This is excellent so true ... I hate also when people make a birthday party and then ASK you to bring a plate of food.. I feel I'm obligated to bring a gift so why should I have to bring food as well. Such a waste of money. I am very happily married and I HATE weddings and the hype such a waste of money.. I could pay the same and get way better food at a nicer restaurant. All couple want to do is get more money out of a wedding than they put in.
01/20 20:08:08
My financee and I recently got engaged and have been to about a half dozen of our friends weddings so far. We hate weddings a little bit more after each one we go to.

The latest wedding fiasco has totally convinced us that we WILL do something different for ours. My fiancee was envited to be a bridesmaid in a childhood friends wedding. She isn't friends with this person anymore, but was selected to be a bridesmaid for some strange reason. All said and done, we wound up spending approximately $800 for this girls' wedding between the shower, bachelorette party, and hideous bridesmaid dress.

I calculated all of the money my financee was wasting and demanded that she put her foot down and refuse to pay another dime towards anything related to this idiots wedding. I pointed out that $150 to get your makeup and hair done on top of the $800 you have already dropped is completely ridiculous and that you should call out the bride to reimburse you not only for the makeup, but also for the ugly dress and shoes she had to buy. My financee finally agreed and said: "yes, this is outrageous, I don't even like this girl that much before, and now I will never speak to her again after her selfish and oblivious expectation that I pay $1000 for her wedding events."

We have to decided to have a destination wedding at the Four Seasons in Maui for multiple reason. FIrst and foremost, we do not want to pay $175 for Uncle Joe and my Mom's friends from work to attend our wedding. Secondly, we do not want to put a financial burden on anyone because we are getting married, and having the even at the Four Seasons in Maui gives everyone a great excuse to not go. Lastly, we WILL pay for our wedding parties travel expenses, tuxes, and bridesmaid dresses so they do not have to incur the cost of our ridiculous idea.

Our wedding will cost less for us, and our guests despite the fact that we are going to an expensive resort in Hawaii. Something is clearly wrong when a small wedding in Hawaii costs way less than a mediocre event at a Mariott in a metro area. Weddings need to die.
01/23 10:21:53
I feel about guests like u the way you feel about brides. Why should I have to pay for you to "celebrate" with me & then not have the right to want a small gift or card. Agreed, you shouldn't be "required" to give it. Likewise, we shouldn't be "required' to invite you to the reception. Just come to the wedding & leave & we both win. You helped me celebrate w/out having to give a gift, & I can appreciate you coming w/out feeling like you just wanted a free meal & booze. Newsflash, many of us didn't even want to invite half the ppl on our guest list. They invited themselves. The bride spends a helluva lot more money than you EVER will on a gift. Your not coming is really the best thing you could do for us.
01/24 23:04:40
My fiancee and I feel disgusted by how materialistic weddings are so we are forgoing a registry and asking people to donate to their own favorite charity. That way, if they can't afford to, they don't have to. I find the entire wedding industry annoying.
02/18 18:37:10
My wedding is next week and I definitely agree with this article. I read a lot of wedding forums and I get disgusted when the brides whine after the big day that they didn't receive enough gifts to "cover the costs". What?? I want everyone to show up, eat, drink, and be merry not rack up credit card debt just to give us something.
02/25 23:25:41
I recently got invited to a work friends wedding. He gave 4 weeks notice, I must of been on the C-list.
When I heard he got engaged a year ago, I was trying to talk him one day about it and he cut me off with "... and you aint going" half funny half serious, which I didnt appreciate .

I didnt expect to be invited and was prepared to thow in some cash $30 with the work crew with mutual card.

However in talking with others in work I discovered he had invited LOADS, and the rumour was he wanted as many there as possible and expected $200 cash gifts.

Whether this was his or brides strategy, or even if it was even true, this swayed me against him, so I not only didnt bother going, I didnt give any cash to mutual work present, or even sign
the card.
04/07 08:11:14
I recently got invited to a work friends wedding. He gave 4 weeks notice, I must of been on the C-list.
When I heard he got engaged a year ago, I was trying to talk him one day about it and he cut me off with "... and you aint going" half funny half serious, which I didnt appreciate .

I didnt expect to be invited and was prepared to thow in some cash $30 with the work crew with mutual card.

However in talking with others in work I discovered he had invited LOADS, and the rumour was he wanted as many there as possible and expected $200 cash gifts.

Whether this was his or brides strategy, or even if it was even true, this swayed me against him, so I not only didnt bother going, I didnt give any cash to mutual work present, or even sign
the card.
04/07 08:14:29
I love this website and I agree that you shouldn't be obligated to give a gift. I think people have become so obessed with showing off and forgetting that a wedding isn't about the gifts. It's about a celebration that you met someone that you want to spend the rest of your life with.

The way I see it the more you focus on the selfish part of the wedding aka the gifts the better chance you have of getting a divorce. Weddings are about thanking your friends and family that you are in love not how much your dress costs, the best band or dj.

Just have a small cermony and party and save your money to pay off bills, buy a house or car.

If you are having a wedding for the gifts and you need money that badly from the gifts then you have a much bigger problem.
04/11 12:56:21
I am a senior lady. Weddings used to be fun to attend with my simple little gift in hand. Now iI have been to several that make the Queen's Inauguration look like little child's party. Registries with big ticket items and even phone calls from the bride herself fretting that she had rearranged her registry and hopefully I didn't purchase something she changed her mind about. For shame! My granddaughter calls them "GREEDY GIFT GRUBBERS"! Next time a check will be sent to a charity in their names and that's that
04/15 18:24:28
Actually, its really not fair to assume that all bride/grooms are like that. My sister is getting married next week. My dad bought her dress but her and her fianc work extremely hard and are paying for the rest themselves. She bought my bridesmaid dress, and except for paying for her treatments in a spa at her hen weekend she hasnt let me spend anything else on her. She is even paying for all the waxing/ hairdos etc for the bridesmaids for the wedding.

Maybe for some of the people that commented here - your friends weddings have been OTT. Well you know what? It's not everyone else's fault you have wankers as friends.

I only came across this site because i have been searching for the perfect gift (my sister never did a registry).

Do you really want your friends to look back in 30 years time and thing of their wedding and remember that you never bothered to get them a present because you're a bitter scrounger? Enjoy a lonely life.
05/13 14:58:55
Like a few others who commented... I'm 50/50 on this.

But of course, I think it's important to have a SENSE OF HUMOR about it and not take things so seriously. Weddings really do bring out the worst in people/families. My best childhood friend ignored me for two solid months because I wasn't able to be her maid of honor for her wedding in GERMANY (military family). Why? Well, I had just left one graduate program to transfer into another, was out of work, and oh yeah- I didn't have $2,000 laying around for the flight, food, hotel, dress, gift, etc. We've since made up but I have to's put a permanent damper on our relationship because for a brief time she seemingly didn't understand "just why" I couldn't attend. I know it's hard to believe but I do have life goals outside of someone's wedding ceremony?! I couldn't justify the cost and I can't apologize anymore for not being able to attend. Did I mention that I'm 22 years old and I don't believe that someone my age has any business getting married let alone being expected to attend such an expensive ceremony?

At the end of the day though, if a couple wants to get married (and many of my friends have or are in the process of doing so) then that's fine by me...and you know what? I'm going to bring a gift to honor them. Sure, I see the humor and sarcasm in the whole wedding industry, but not bringing a gift of any sort is unacceptable. It's one thing to joke about it, or even be bitter on the inside or whatever, but don't be a cheapskate who isn't willing to give back a bit. Don't be a Scrooge type and just...give from your heart for once. Give what you CAN give, big or small. It's called reciprocity- you only get what you give. And no, that's not about self-interest or "looking a certain way", it's about being a good family member or friend.
05/20 19:43:50
It is so refreshing to hear someone other than myself state the obvious fact that weddings have spiraled into an all-out grab fest. I, as a guest, am not responsible for giving a gift to any couple that is getting married. IF I choose to give a gift, it is ONLY for friends or family who give me gifts on my special occasions (and as a single woman, I've had, and will continue to have, plenty). For the most part, though, a lot of couples believe they are entitled to gifts. WRONG.
05/27 04:28:30
the entire WEDDING process is insane. I especially HATE the registry for gifts. So rude, just so rude. THINK about it. The couple walks around with a price gun "I want this" <zap> "I want that" <zap> ... and then emails come to say WHERE you can buy them what they want. NOT IF YOU WISH TO BUY just the expectation. TODAY MOST couples have been living together. So they're asking for UPGRADE items, not starter stuff. PALEEZE. Most of the DUAL INCOME COUPLES make more money than we do or ever will. If I wanted to PAY for a dinner, which is what they say the gift is for, I would go out with my spouse alone at a nice place. I HATE BRIDES. I HATE WEDDINGS. I HATE BRIDAL SHOWERS, BABY SHOWERS. I HATE ALL OF IT because they think they are entitled! It USED TO BE that gifts were to HELP the couple start life... not BUY THEM A FREAKING $1000 Television! I WISH ALL BRIDES WOULD GET A CLUE AND SKIP THE WHOLE WEDDING INSANITY. YOU ARE NOT A PRINCESS FOR A DAY. YOU WILL BARELY REMEMBER THE EVENING. YOU WILL STRESS YOUR FAMILY AND FRIENDS. YOU HAVE A 50-50 chance of being divorced before you are 40. SO WHY SPEND ALL THAT TIME AND ENERGY? CRAZY!

P.s. Not bitter. Not divorced. Happily married 25 years. I've just watched as wedding costs SOAR and couples divorce within 5 years. They live together, even have children, and then want all the trappings. And WHITE is for virginity, purity and I don't care who says it isn't. They're wrong.
06/07 12:03:45
Wow...I'm getting married in a month, and the fact that getting gifts even enters into the wedding planning equation is RIDICULOUS. My wedding is costing about $15K, $10K of which is my own money, and if no one got me a gift I would be perfectly fine. I want to throw a big pretty party to celebrate being married to the love of my life, and I want my friends and family there. Of course I know we'll get gifts, but I don't EXPECT it from anyone, especially not the people my age who may not have the extra money. People need to realize things will NEVER make you happy, it's relationships and experiences that make life worth living. Rant over.
06/07 16:47:15
Reading the comments on here make me sick. You are all entitled worthless cheapskates. Maybe it's a better idea you idiots fucking killed yourselves so people wouldn't have to invite you to their perfect day.
06/15 08:58:43
Ugh, couldn't agree more! The wedding industrial complex has turned into basically a self centered woman making herself the star of her own show. Most grooms couldn't care less about the whole thing. What drives me nuts is the assumption that everyone else in your circle of friends and family is expected to make their world revolve around the bride....and I dont care what anyone says, every single bride has a touch of this, especially in the weeks leading up to the wedding. I just had a "friend" send me a shitty text message about the "cheap bottle of wine" that I gave our mutual friend at her bridal shower and how thoughtless it was, despite that I chose it because it was called "Wedding White" wine and thought it was cute and I don't have a lot of extra money. Why is it that I have to shell out money for your engagement party, bridal shower, stag and drag, bachelorette party, and wedding just because you decided to make your union legal? Get over yourself!
06/26 19:38:28
Harsh. Very harsh. But so true. Well written. You will be scorned for such views (see the haters above), but I will be damned if I ever buy something off a registry... and I will be comparably damned if I am EVER arrogant enough to have a registry myself. What a joke. Weddings should be a celebration, not a fund raiser.
07/27 15:04:56
weddings these days are ridiculous. i agree with everything said by everyone else on this site who also hate weddings. and i am not single or lonely. definitely not bitter. i just don't think people should have to spend a heap of money on me just because i choose to get married. getting married is not special. it happens all the time everywhere around the world. make a commitment and stick to it if you can, but don't make a song and dance about it and expect everyone else to sing and dance about it too. find some humility. be less ego-centric. get over yourself and get on with it. lose the extravagance and do what you can afford if you want to but stop expecting other people to spend their hard-earned money on you.
07/29 06:04:53
You wrote "You have absolutely no idea what a wedding gift is really for. You obviously have no idea what a wedding guest is, either. If you are invited to someone's wedding, you should feel honored taht the bride and groom thought of you as someone they want there to celebrate their special day. The idea tha tyou think you are doing them a favor is so silly, self centered and egotistical."
In reality, writing this makes you sound "silly, self centered and egotistical," particularly when you choose this venue. I am sure you are a nice person, but are you not aware that this site is precisely for those who HATE weddings? If you love them, why hang out here? Clearly you are young, but do you think anyone is going to go, "Oh, I'm sorry, you're right"?
By the way, growing up doesn't mean you STOP worrying about every dollar; it means you START. You may have forgotten, Jen, that most of us in our 20s and early 30s have received many, many invitations...In the past 6 months I have been to 2 showers apiece for 2 brides. I attended 1 of those weddings (the other being 22 hours away and private), plus another 1 for a friend. I missed 2 weddings due to driving time, but I intended to go. I just went to a cousin's wedding and was "in trouble" for skipping the off-site reception. I have another wedding invitation for September.
Not everyone who works full time has Saturdays off; those that do have to take care of errands such as shopping, dry cleaning, etc. on that day. Of COURSE those can be skipped for 1 particular week--but see my above list. I think it's pretty typical.
Now, can most people attend an in-town wedding and still get everything else done? Sure, if the whole process (driving there, ceremony, row-by-row dismissal or receiving line, pictures, reception) takes an hour or two, OR if there's an option to skip something. But if there's not, we're in a pickle.
A culture has been created wherein no matter WHAT a bride wants or demands from the bride's maids, in particular, she is in the right and they are in the wrong if they refuse. Sadly, this has found its way into the Church (and, yes, I understand that many readers are nonreligious) when Jesus said that whoever would be great should become a servant. There is no call for anyone, ever, to think that he/ she should be the star for a day, much less a year. True heroes who are honored are honored because they did something because it was right...and it's not because they are throwing fits (hopefully) to see that "their" day goes well. Space limit about reached--later!
08/08 18:08:40
These comments about how the guests should be able to pay, the poor poor bride and groom footing the bill and being in debt--about to slam my forehead against the keyboard. Why why WHY do it, if it's that much financial pressure? The guests didn't ask for this--it was DECIDED for them. What if I gave you a Porsche and told you you only owed me 1/3 of the cost of it? Would that be a good deal for you? In many cases, NO. You didn't ask for a Porsche, and it's still rude of me to act like that's a "gift" to you. So it is with the whole wedding scene.

Yes, there are a few family and other guests who exert tremendous pressure on the bride to have a real wedding. If you read on this site you'll see many complaints about them as well. But other than that, NO ONE asked for this.
Last point: Please stop with the childish comments saying that we should just not go to weddings, then. I was sort of chastised (in a roundabout way, through other family member) for skipping out on the RECEPTION after the wedding. There is an intense social pressure to attend these weddings. It's not that we are clamoring for a free wedding "show" with sparkly dress and nice music, free dance floor, and free bar--it's that it is so frustrating that it "looks bad" if we don't go to any of this.
Also, it is not your place, any of you, or your business, to determine what people can and can't afford, when it's not a real obligation as opposed to a contrived social one. If someone isn't paying child support, he may need to be lambasted. Coming down on someone for saying he can't afford a wedding gift? Come on. You're saying he should definitely be doing this instead of giving to the needy, paying for his mission trip overseas, or even paying for his beloved dog's surgery? That's not your place. You will be immensely embarrassed (I hope) if you come back and read your comments in a few years. If you are not, it shows that your childishness has not changed. This is not to be ugly; it is simply the truth. None of you has a right to or claim on the time or money of people you aren't extremely close to. The fact that you are "just starting out" doesn't entitle you either. Save the wedding money and pay for your own starting out.
08/08 18:19:48
And some advice for you too--

I couldn't agree more. It's appalling that people want to be recognized for their generosity in weddings when they are being so amazingly selfish.
Jen, J., and anyone else who came here just to rail at us: Please stop with saying "just don't go" and especially telling us that there is no need for these sites. Free country, free internet...occasionally there will be opinions out there that clash with your own.
Also, you need to understand that for social reasons, most of us have to make an appearance. I got in minor "trouble" week before last simply for not going to a RECEPTION because I made plans with my (immediate) family after the wedding, and they didn't include an off-site reception. This is where the frustration comes from--not wanting to destroy a relationship but not wanting to spend so much either.
As for the snippy comments saying "Stop worrying about every dollar" and so forth--growing up means that you START thinking about every dollar, not that you STOP. I really hope that you all have matured enough in a few years to feel some shame over this. You must be extremely young because I've had countless weddings to go to before my 30th birthday: five relatives and friends have had weddings this year, with another in September. I made it to the ones I could (one was too far away; one I got lost going to and made it only to the reception--and yes I had a gift.
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