Invitation Nation

You will spend more time thinking about how to arrange your parents' names on the invitation than anyone will spend looking at it or talking about it.

But in this age of divorced parents, grooms chipping in and deadbeat parents of the bride, invitation etiquette has never been more complicated.

The most important thing to remember when filling out the invitations is that you love these people . . . or at least you're supposed to pretend you do.

Here are a few examples of ways you can arrange your invitation:

The Classic Wedding Invite
Parents Of The Bride
invite you to come to the wedding of their daughter
Daughter's First Name
Groom's First and Last Name.

This is perfect for wedding purists. If the groom is going to ignore the existence of his parents, the bride's father should be paying EVERY SINGLE PENNY of the wedding costs . . . and buying the couple a house to live in.

It's also important to note that it's kind of obnoxious to ignore the existence of the groom's parents on the invite. His family will think the parents of the bride are egomaniacal, in fact, some of her family may feel the same way too.

Classic Wedding Invite With Groom's Family

Parents Of The Bride
invite you to come to the wedding of their daughter
Daughter's First Name
Groom's Full Name.
Son of Groom's Parents.

This is the I Hate preferred wedding invitation format: It acknowledges that there is an old woman somewhere who gave birth to the boy and that he's still talking to them. Plus when you send the invite to distant relatives on his side of the family, they'll know who the groom is. It improves your odds of getting a gift from the senile great-aunt in Nebraska who has no intention of flying in for the event.

This is the format you should use if the groom's family is incurring some but not a majority of the wedding cost.

All Of The Parents Names At The Top
Parents Of The Bride
Parents Of The Groom
invite you to come to the wedding of
Bride's First Name and Last Name
Groom's First and Last Name.

Some families prefer this format as a subliminal way of saying the groom's family is footing the bill.

I don't like this format because there are too many words and it's not symmetrical. There are too many names at the top.

The only reason to use this format is because the groom's family is paying for a majority of the wedding and that the bride's mom and dad are cheap and won't kick in for a reasonably priced wedding.

If the bride's parents good people who aren't as well off as the groom's parents, this is just plain tacky.

Couple Requests Your Presence

Bride's first and last name and Groom first and last name
Request the honor of your presence at their wedding.

This is perfect for couples from broken homes and those paying for their own wedding. It's also the perfect format for couples tired of their petty bickering from their parents.

Other Invitation Rules

No dead people on the invite.

This isn't the place to mention people you think of "as family."

If dad never paid child support then you can substitute your step dad.

Invites can be subtle way for one set of parents to play games with the others. Don't let your parents act like children.

The simplest way to handle disputes is "biology only." The invitation should acknowledge from who's vaginas you and your beloved sprang and the men who's little fishies made it all possible.

There will be plenty of other ways to pay tribute to the people in your lives at the reception.

Remember it's only a card.
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