Single Aunt Going To Niece's Wedding

Dear I Hate

Is it horrible to not want to go to my nieces wedding? I'm 40 and still single. It isn't by choice. I really want to be in a relationship. Over the past few years my biggest nightmare is that my niece or nephew would get married before me and I wouldn't even have a boyfriend.

My worst nightmare is coming niece is getting married and I don't even have a boyfriend. I am being sincere when I say that I cry or have panic attacks whenever I think of going to the event. I don't know how to get out of going without upsetting my family.

And now it's coming true. Every time I think about it I want to cry. But my family doesn't understand. They think I'm being mean. How do I get out of this without hurting them?

I'm over 40, still single and very depressed about it. What should I do?


Well Darlene, the first thing you have to do is rid yourself of the stench of desperation.

Yes you are STILL single. Now remember, I don't hate marriage and relationships. I just hate weddings. But being single has its advantages. You are going to stay single so long as you want a relationship for the sake of having a relationship. You need to hold out for SOMEONE SPECIAL not ANYONE WILLING. Be patient. It will either happen or it won't. In the meantime have as much fun as you can and become the best you that you can be.

Now onto the wedding. This could be your chance to be the slutty aunt. Guess what Mrs. Robinson . . . or in your case Ms. Robinson, cougaring is where it's at. Old women hooking up with young studs are all the rage. Look at Demi and Ashton and . . . Demi and Ashton.

It sounds like you need a good cheap hook up. Show up. Be nice. Have fun. Maybe you'll meet a nice young stud and seduce him. If not . . . maybe you'll meet a nice young stud and slip him a ruffie.

But don't be the depressing aunt who makes people want to kill themselves. The whole point of this web-site is to break the cycle of depression that weddings cause. Society is making you feel less than special because you haven't found the right man yet. The wedding industry wants couples to settle earlier, be unhappy, get divorced and then get married again. The more you get married and divorced the more money the wedding industry makes.

It's all a big conspiracy orchestrated by Haliburton.

I bet you have many amazing qualities. For example, you have great tasted in comedic web-sites. Let's assume you're as great as I think you are. Don't let a wedding force you into thinking about the things you don't have going on in your life. Focus on what you do have like your family which you seem to care about.

Let this wedding be a chance to take stock in all of the great things you have going on in your life.

Don't let anyone bust your chops. If an old lady says to you "When are you next?" You say "I was thinking the same thing about you at Uncle Joe's funeral."

Keep fighting Darlene!
[Mail to a friend]

Comments made

I don't blame u, I have to go to my sisters wedding, I am 26 and I am single not by choice, it's because of my looks though.... people are cold and mean..... I don't want to go to my sisters wedding but I am being forced to go, it will be the worse day I have ever lived but I a forced to be there at the thing I depise MOST in this god awful world!
03/18 00:29:28
I am trying to post a thing on here but can anyone PLEASE tell me what to do, I hate weddings cause I am not allowed to fall in love.... and people JUST CAN'T UNDERSTAND THAT! I depise weddings with every breath I take..... what can I do to help my angery with this all? I am never going to have my speical day, I will have to be single my whole life not by choice.
03/18 00:40:08
Mike: you're only 26, lighten-up darlin.

My advice to all those who hate weddings and this includes yours truly, is drink. A lot. Especially if there is an open bar. And flirt with the cute married guys (that you're not related to of course or you'll be the talk of the family for years to come). There's no harm flirting and most likely you won't see them again (if they are friends of the bride/groom). I Or make connections - seriously, need to network? Let your bride/groom know and make sure you're at a table seated w/folks with similliar interests. A friend did this for me and it worked out quite well. Really appreciated her thoughtfullness in the seating arrangement.
04/30 20:43:45
Mike: you're only 26, lighten-up darlin.

My advice to all those who hate weddings and this includes yours truly, is drink. A lot. Especially if there is an open bar. And flirt with the cute married guys (that you're not related to of course or you'll be the talk of the family for years to come). There's no harm flirting and most likely you won't see them again (if they are friends of the bride/groom). I Or make connections - seriously, need to network? Let your bride/groom know and make sure you're at a table seated w/folks with similliar interests. A friend did this for me and it worked out quite well. Really appreciated her thoughtfullness in the seating arrangement.
04/30 20:44:22
Get over yourselves. The day is about the bride and groom...NOT YOU!

Invite your best gal pal or go find a gay guy to hang out with and spend the evening drinking, eating and partying for free in honor of the betrothed....fix your singlehood on your own time... not the bride & groom's time.....
06/06 11:59:39
I hate weddings because they're a bullshit occassion. The day's about the bride and the groom? HA! That day is about the fairy princess bride! The groom's just scenery. And we're celebrating their love? Please! We're celebrating something that will fade in about a year to two years, it's really no different from having a big party because someone smokes their first joint; euphoria is euphoria. This is all so backwards! There should be no big celebrations at the begining of of a marriage. The actual wedding shouldn't get any attention. Let bride and groom stay together 20, 25, 50 years, and then let's have a big party!
07/24 11:30:14
Send em a big check and a note about how you can't make it that day. Utterly amazing how they won't object when they get money....
07/28 23:32:58
Why oh why must we make ourselves suffer? It's better to avoid situations that make us feel bad, instead of forcing ourselves to attend an event we don't want to attend. Is the wedding invitation supposed to be a subpoena? Is it a crime not to attend? If I am not sabotaging someone else's wedding, then I've done nothing wrong.

Here's how I'm going to cope. The next time a relative sends me a subpoena, I will book a vacation. Oops sorry, I will be out of town that week/weekend. They usually subpeona us early enough that it should be easy to plan the summer vacations. Have one subpoena for July and one for August? Book one week vacation in July and another one in August! Out of vacation time? Book a weekend trip! No money for travel? Drive/bus to see a friend who lives in the next town an hour away!

I enter online sweepstakes as a hobby, and I am entering trip sweeps like crazy; in case I need to prepare for the next wave. Even if I don't win, I will at least book cheap vacations nearby if I get subpoenaed!
10/11 22:07:34
"But don't be the depressing aunt who makes people want to kill themselves."

Oh Mr. Kelly, you are a delight.
01/01 16:07:00
You should go and get wasted and throw up on the wedding cake. That should head off any more wedding invites coming your way!
01/18 01:05:16
You have two choices: Go, and bring a friend, weddings are a great place to meet people. Ignore the advice about hitting on married guys, their wives are actually there, so they'll shoot you down in their own way, which will be worse for your ego. And it's pretty tacky behavior all around. Second choice: Book yourself a singles cruise or a weekend away. Then send a nice gift and an appology that this cruise was booked in advance. It doesn't have to be true, and frankly, your neice will be so busy worrying about the wedding that she won't really mind.
04/28 22:46:57
Heather and Skip Town have got it right! Y

ou don't need to do anything you don't want to do, including bow to the social tyranny of couples. Give <i>yourself</i> permission to bow out of this wedding. If you care for your niece (and it sounds like you do), send a check or other wedding gift, apologize that you'll be out of town on business or pleasure, and wish them well.

Yes, your family may remind you of your absence for months or years to come with pursed lips and sideways glances, but own your decision, stand your ground, and change the subject.
06/27 05:55:54
Put on your big girl panties and go to your neice's wedding.
07/08 01:02:27
Im really sorry you are in that situation and I can truly understand the feeling.

Im 30, and single too. I have always hated weddings, mostly because I had the bad luck to attend most of them by myself, not by choice and also because I hate to confront my overweight problem while looking for a stupid perfect dress and ending up looking ridiculously fat anyway. I have a boyfriend now, but It doesnt make it any easier, because he doesnt want to get married yet, so there is always that feeling of rejection every single wedding we attend and there is always the questioning of all the married couples!!!.. When are you two getting marriend? Blah blah... I HATE IT!!!! I always end up angry with myself and my stupid coward boyfriend.

Next year I have to attend to the wedding of my last single friend and is torturing to me. I hate hearing her always talking about her wedding expenses, about her beautiful ring, about church flowers, about the dress, etc. I hate everything involving that stupid expensive weddinggggg.. ahhhgggrrr!!! Everyone I know is getting married now and I hate it... I hate hate hate weddings.... I hope that one they when I get married, every single one of my friends suffer as I did going to theirs... and I hope they suffer having to buy an expensive dress and I hope they look fat in them and then get bored at the party because their husbands wont ask them to dance anymore and they have to sit in the table just looking around at everybody else have fun.

Honey, dont suffer... just go to that stupid wedding and feel proud of being single and be proud of who you are. Brag about your excelent single life and how great it is to do wherever you want without having a chain of a husband... Make fun of the little house wives that have to wash their husbands underware, work all day, take care of the kids, make dinner, and then at night have their husband ignore them because there is a football game on TV.

Dont worry or feel bad for being single... love will arrive in the exact moment... and people will envy your luck, because you got the chance to enjoy your single life more than most people, and then enjoy a mature and real marriage.

And remember, when married people (and mostly married girl friends) start to ask you why havent you get married and stuff, always answer: Ill get married when a guy truly deserves me, not with just anyone like in your case... LOL!!!
12/01 19:31:40
Ok. In the same situation... 40, single and my cute and lovely 18 year old niece is getting married. After I got pissed, shook my fist and railed at the gods "She's not supposed to be married before me!!", I realized that there is nothing wrong with me. There is nothing wrong with being 20 and single or 30 and single or 40 and single. Somehow or another we have allowed society's messed up opinions determine how we value ourselves. Being married does not make a person complete. Being married is not necessarily what we are here to do. Being married is not the "be all end all". You do NOT have a problem because you are single... the lemmings that think you have a problem? THEY'RE the problem.
03/17 17:03:37
04/27 22:46:44
I have never read such self-absorbed, snivelling, pathetic posts. Get over yourselves people. You're singles, you're not mutants. You're making it a bigger deal than it has to be. It's not all about you. Your loved ones are getting married.....yes, I too think weddings leave much to be desired, but if you can't be happy for the people you love I suggest you take a look in the mirror and do what you need to do to get a life.
05/08 21:27:31
I like weddings. And my niece is getting married. Its very exciting for her. And I am single and just divorced for the second time. I don't want to go though because my mother is going to be there and she has issues with weddings. I do not look forward to going because she is going to be there. I'd like to just not go but it is important to my sister and niece so I am going to go. Besides, if my mom tries to ruin this wedding like all the others she has attended and ruined, I am prepared this time to stop her. I wish I could run away, but I am the self appointed guardian angel of my niece and nothing is going to ruin her big day. Just because my relationships didnt turn out and my weddings weren't big events doesn't mean she can't find bliss at the end of the rainbow. And I am not going to be the one that starts any trouble. I am just going to nip it in the bud and HANDLE situations tactfully and efficiently. I still hope to find the right man, one day. But I'm not going to sit and waste life when I can be out enjoying it.
06/17 17:45:51
Few thoughts:

People should not feel compelled (or forced) to attend a wedding. Period!

My dumbass cousin is getting married on the 4th of July this year. I am not going purely on principle.... I didn't get a "save the date" card....hellllooooo it's a major holiday dickweed!!!

I'll have whatever Kate Archer's on, but make it a double. awesome :o)

And - people who have the audacity to ask "why aren't you married" should be shot on sight. WTF????? That question is so rude and antiquated.

This website rocks.
04/04 18:15:57
You're a pathetic, jealous b****. Get over it and go to the wedding.
08/11 03:16:43
Stay home! No one wants that kind of negativity at their wedding. It's not about you, and if you can't deal, get some therapy and stay home.
09/17 13:59:16
47 not married. Basically because I am short, fat and a down right ugly dog. People, if they want to marry should be married at the court house. Big religious weddings with big receptions should just go away. They are only done to show off the wealth of the bride and her family. Stay home and send the check. That is all they want anyway. You won't be missed, you unless they get no $ or gift.
10/31 22:10:41
I need to know if I should of called my sister after she walked out of my daughter's wedding. No explanation, nothing. We went to sit down and I was told that she left with her son, (who is 26) The next day I hosted a brunch, at the hotel for guests that were staying. She keeps telling my mom that etiquette says, I should have called, to find out why she left. I feel that she should tell me why she left. It was very hurtful, and expensive paying for two dinners that were not eaten. That is besides the point. I need to settle this. Thanks.
12/30 11:20:20
I say go to the wedding, eat the food, drink the booze, and go home. In the end, it's a free meal. Why pass that up?
05/12 00:27:03
I hate going to weddings because they are only "one-upmanship events" and because the divorce rate is sooo high, I think these one-upmanship events need to stop. If people are truly, and I use the word loosely, in love, then what is with the big fanfare. If you are truly in love, you will marry with the type of ceremony that celebrates your love. These big weddings, where guests are expected to take out a loan for a gift, are a waste and are phoney to say the least. Now for those crying in the beer about their looks and not going to weddings because of it, what better way to trash these ridiculous events by going dressed as skanky as possible and showing what a farce these events really are.
06/28 07:34:29
I'm just reading these comments on here and kind of laughing. There is a lot of anger, hate, and jealousy being spread around. I think it's best to look at the root cause of why we think we need to be this way or that way by a certain point in our lives in order to be happy. Happiness is a choice. And once you love and accept where you are in your life at any moment, you will open up to more love. This goes to married people and single people alike! Trust me there are plenty of married people who aren't accepting of their lives either. Love is love people. The more love we open ourselves up to giving the more we get in return. If you want to be in love, celebrate moments that celebrate love with loved ones!
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