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Single Aunt Going To Niece's Wedding

Dear I Hate Weddings.com

Is it horrible to not want to go to my nieces wedding? I'm 40 and still single. It isn't by choice. I really want to be in a relationship. Over the past few years my biggest nightmare is that my niece or nephew would get married before me and I wouldn't even have a boyfriend.

My worst nightmare is coming true...my niece is getting married and I don't even have a boyfriend. I am being sincere when I say that I cry or have panic attacks whenever I think of going to the event. I don't know how to get out of going without upsetting my family.

And now it's coming true. Every time I think about it I want to cry. But my family doesn't understand. They think I'm being mean. How do I get out of this without hurting them?

I'm over 40, still single and very depressed about it. What should I do?

Darlene


Well Darlene, the first thing you have to do is rid yourself of the stench of desperation.

Yes you are STILL single. Now remember, I don't hate marriage and relationships. I just hate weddings. But being single has its advantages. You are going to stay single so long as you want a relationship for the sake of having a relationship. You need to hold out for SOMEONE SPECIAL not ANYONE WILLING. Be patient. It will either happen or it won't. In the meantime have as much fun as you can and become the best you that you can be.

Now onto the wedding. This could be your chance to be the slutty aunt. Guess what Mrs. Robinson . . . or in your case Ms. Robinson, cougaring is where it's at. Old women hooking up with young studs are all the rage. Look at Demi and Ashton and . . . Demi and Ashton.

It sounds like you need a good cheap hook up. Show up. Be nice. Have fun. Maybe you'll meet a nice young stud and seduce him. If not . . . maybe you'll meet a nice young stud and slip him a ruffie.

But don't be the depressing aunt who makes people want to kill themselves. The whole point of this web-site is to break the cycle of depression that weddings cause. Society is making you feel less than special because you haven't found the right man yet. The wedding industry wants couples to settle earlier, be unhappy, get divorced and then get married again. The more you get married and divorced the more money the wedding industry makes.

It's all a big conspiracy orchestrated by Haliburton.

I bet you have many amazing qualities. For example, you have great tasted in comedic web-sites. Let's assume you're as great as I think you are. Don't let a wedding force you into thinking about the things you don't have going on in your life. Focus on what you do have like your family which you seem to care about.

Let this wedding be a chance to take stock in all of the great things you have going on in your life.

Don't let anyone bust your chops. If an old lady says to you "When are you next?" You say "I was thinking the same thing about you at Uncle Joe's funeral."

Keep fighting Darlene!
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